Cake hogging weasels

No one shared birthday cake with me!  You’re all a bunch of cake hogging weasels.  WEASELS!

But now that all these birthdays have finally passed, we can start planning MY birthday, oh yes we can!  Cake! Karaoke! Paintball! (Don’t shoot my cake!)  September 5 is the official date, but please be advised that I will start accepting cake, presents and general adoration from this point forward and that it is completely acceptable to celebrate me every single day.

no, you’re wrong!

someone this evening told me that i don’t get along with the former mr. kat 2.0 because he’s my ex-husband and that no one gets along with their ex’s and yaddayadda.

you’re wrongwrongwrong on that count.  first, i can say that the former mr. kat 1.0 and i NEVER EVER fought like i disagree with 2.0, ever.  we never grated on each other’s nerves that way and we still don’t.   2.0 and i are like rival countries or hatfields & mccoys or a pack of dingos at a parakeet farm…and 1.0, while he certainly irked me enough that i divorced him for reasons i shan’t go into at this moment, never waged these battles with me, was not a freakin’ bully, did not find glee in upsetting me.

and furthermore! i am friends (or at least peaceable!) with most of my ex-boyfriends over the years, really.  i can remember why i was into them and put that in front of whatever disaster befell our relationship and just be friends, easy enough.  so it’s not that 2.0 is an ex and thus he’s unworthy of respect or whatever, noooooooo, because that’s not how i roll.  2.0 just knows how to irritate the snot out of me and considers it to be a recreational sport of some kind!  he wants a trophy in pissing me off.  he wants to medal in making me yell.

but! on the bright side, we don’t interact that much any more.  today was more interaction than we’ve had in a while and is a prime example of why i prefer email to in-person discussions with him.  it’s healthier if we just don’t talk right now…kinder, gentler, better that way.

I’m Mad! ARG!

So for those of you who just joined me in the Kat Box, let me bring you up to speed on my relationship with the former Mr. Kat 2.0… He and I do not get along.  We can not engage in the most basic of conversations without it escalating into an argument.  I recognized this gasoline-lit match sort of thing ages ago, and thus I try to keep our interactions brief.  I am generally not rude, I’m just to the point: no details on my personal life, just straight to the facts which are usually revolving around the once or twice a month he wants to hang out with Minime.

I’m glad he wants to do things with Minime every now and then, as that was the only father figure she had in her life for years and years.  Her biological dad, the former Mr. Kat 1.0, has recently pulled himself together and spends time with Minime now, but for years, it was just the now former Mr. Kat 2.0…so I’m cool with them spending time together; it’s a good thing.

But Mr. 2.0 is always trying to be up in my business.  On a recent evening, he called 3 times in 3 minutes, and I missed those calls; he didn’t leave a voicemail message.  He called the next day and asked why I didn’t answer the phone the night before.  I said I didn’t know, that maybe I was in the shower or outside with the dogs or on the treadmill or any number of options where I wouldn’t have my phone in hand, but when I noticed the missed calls, I then saw he didn’t leave a message so I wasn’t too worried about it.  He then asked again if I was in the shower or what.  I said I really didn’t know but felt I’d covered that there are times when I don’t have my phone; he should leave a message if he needs a call back.  That apparently still wasn’t sufficient information because he then wanted to know what I was “really” doing when he called.  Folks, I hope you understand why I lost my temper at that point…I can’t stand to be badgered over something stupid.

Anyway, that sort of round and round and round dialogue is one of the 70 million reasons we don’t get along very well, and it’s why I try to keep our exchanges brief.  I try not to react when I can see him angling for a fight, and somehow, my lack of reaction tends to upset him even more, so he pushes even harder to get me angry.  As is my way, I tend to completely retreat to avoid a conflict, and if he comes after me with still more badgering at that point, yeah, then I s-n-a-p and get pretty scary.  I don’t like it: I don’t like being that angry, and I don’t like being lured into it, tricked into it.

This afternoon, though, I fell right into it; I feel like such a sucker for being baited into an argument…but he started in on his usual prying, and I, as is the norm, stayed guarded…and of course, by not revealing all details of my life to him (this all started over me wearing a certain tshirt), that just encouraged him to keep going, keep nagging, keep prying, keep pushing, until I freakin’ snapped and started yelling at him (Minime, by the way, was in the house and didn’t hear this exchange, thank goodness) in the driveway in front of my neighbors.  As always, he then had to act like I’m mentally defective somehow because I’m suddenly angry, “why are you so angry all the time?”  BECAUSE YOU DELIBERATELY PUSH MY BUTTONS TO GET A REACTION AND WHEN I DON’T GIVE ONE, YOU PUSH AND PUSH UNTIL I FLIP OUT! DON’T BE SURPRISED WHEN I FLIP THE HELL OUT ON YOU BECAUSE IT’S WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO! I KNOW THIS GAME!!!!!!!! ARG!!!

I ended up leaving the area for a few minutes to collect myself while he kept trying to call my cell phone over and over in that childish way.  I just wanted to regain my cool and move on, but with him, there’s no moving on until he’s done. He wasn’t done, and in fact, he probably still isn’t done, but I’ve turned off the ringer on my phone at this point.   I can’t live that way, I can’t live in anger and stress and strife and grudge-holding and gameplaying every day, so we are divorced.

Egads, I’m just as mad at myself for falling into it as I am at him for being a pain in the ass.  I’m not perfect, I recognize my fault in all that has transpired today.  I know better than to get sucked into that kind of fight and I shouldn’t have let it happen. 

a real thing that happened today

I had some wild children to amuse today but had mucho studying to do…so we ventured out into the world and went to a place that will only be described as incredibly loud yet fun.  Plenty for the wild ones to do while I hit the books.

I took a table and spread out my necessities as the children scampered away: notebook, pen, highlighter, textbooks, ginormous diet Coke.  I focused and was well into a chapter when I felt the table shift as someone sat down opposite me.  Assuming it was one of the wild children (and not hearing any wailing or other disturbances that required my immediate attention), I didn’t look up.  But then, my guest cleared his throat.

I looked up and there was a random dad sitting across from me, a random dad who no doubt was letting his kid(s) be entertained in the same venue.

Random Dad: Hey, whatcha studying?

Unfriendly Me: Errrr. Reviewing cascading style sheets right now.

Random Dad: Oh, really? (Makes face as if he knows what I’m talking about and tries to touch my textbook, which I slide away from his touchyosity) I’ve thought about going back to school.

Unfriendly Me: That’s always a good thing, no matter who you are. (I go back to looking at my book)

Random Dad: It sure is! Man, I loved college! blahblahblahblahblahblahblah (ok, he said actual words here, but I was not listening really and was looking at my book still)  blahblahblahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yaddayaddayadda yadda blahblahsomethingaboutwherehewenttocollegebackintheday yadda yadda

Unfriendly Me: Yeah, mmmhmmm. (clicking my pen now in frustration)

Random Dad: It’s totally crazy in here!

Unfriendly Me: (silent)

Random Dad: Yeah, so, wow! Yeah, it’s noisy in here! Kids are having fun, but I don’t know how you concentrate in here!

Unfriendly Me: It’s a lot easier to concentrate when no one’s talking to me. (I have now looked up and beamed a steady gaze of evil on my prey)

To say Random Dad scurried away is an understatement.  But thank goodness.   So. 

Dear Random Dad,

when your would-be woo-receiver is clicking her pen so fast it makes sparks, run away please. Run away.  Next time I’ll stick said pen in your hand for trying to touch my textbook.  Oh, and good luck with your woo-pitching; there are some nice, friendly mommies out there–I’m just not one of them by any stretch of the imagination. 

Sincerely, Unfriendly Me

hey you—-don’t go back to sleep…

so i post this every few months or so on my blog, a translation of a rumi poem…and there are several translations, this is the one i like the best:

 

Today, like every other day, we wake up empty
and frightened. Don’t open the door to the study
and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument.
Let the beauty we love be what we do.

There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

 

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase ‘each other’
doesn’t make any sense.

 

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep

lookie, another one of those surveys!

i told you i was addicted…

If you could see any band in concert, who would it be?
Any band?!?  I’d like Jim Morrison to be reincarnated so I could be front and center at a Doors show.  That’d be sweet.  The Sex Pistols could open up the show if we can bring back Sid, too.

Does your family have a garden?
nope
What style of clothes do you normally wear?
mon-fri, i try to dress like a grownup but somedays i don’t quite make it look legit.  sat & sun, i dress for sleep, even if i’m going to the grocery store.  you never know when a good nap could overpower you right there by the fruit rollups.
Do you play any sports on an actual team?
soccer is on hiatus til after labor day, but yes!

If you were to dye your hair, what color?
me? dye my hair? pishposh. i’d never!

What is your favorite music genre?
generally speaking, i prefer loud, but i’m all over the place in my preferences.

Milkshakes or Sundaes?
both will cause me immense pain.  i can’t choose.  unless we’re going by tastee freez, in which case i want the boston shake, which is both a shake and a sundae in one–how can you go wrong?

How many songs are on your music player on your computer?
there’s almost 800 on my mp3 player right now and growing–i never rip a whole cd, just a song here, a song there

How many ringtones do you have?
nothing fancy, just different ones for the two offices i work for

Eyeliner or lipstick?
neither, i look just like this all the time, no surprises

Hair with volume or flat, straight, thin hair?
sticky outy hair is the way to go

Have you ever colored your own hair?
beauty school dropout (for real!) so of course

What kind of shoes do you have on?
invisible ones

Do you have a doorbell?
not on my body right this second, but attached to the house yes

Have you ever pet a camel?
i’ve fed one

What about a cow?
yep

What’s the craziest name you’ve given a pet?
Biscuits and Gravy is one of my favorites.  Snicklefritz is also high on my list.

What condiments do you like on your hotdog?
jalapenos and all the junk cats & dawgs puts on that’s nacho dawg

What is your favorite gum?
partial to cinnamon and spearmint, but anything to kill the diet coke breath

Do you over use the saying “your mom”?
wtf? no.

How often do you sit around on your butt?
more often than i should, but not enough to really relax ever

Do you think you have great hair?
ummm. well.  i was once told that my hair looked like “a stump full of granddaddy longlegs” and i’m going to go with that as a compliment

Ever cut your hair yourself?
yessssss

What color are the blankets on your bed?
purple and stuff

Do you like watermelons more or cherries?
cherries, but both are seed-spittin’ good

Last thing you recorded you on a camera?
probably paintball stuff

Last time someone took a picture of you?
saturday

Can you say your abc’s backwards?
very slowly

What color is your shirt?
black

Do you know anyone shorter than you?
sure i do! i like to rest my drink on them like an end table.

Taller than you?
i’m surrounded by tall people who can see where i can’t reach to dust.  it makes me paranoid.

Where are your ancestors from?
ireland & scotland mostly and a splash of cherokee
What do you order at taco bell?
mexican pizza w no tomato on top
Has a dog ever licked your mouth?
any time i bend down near the dogs, they’ll lick anything they can get to, including the side of my head like i’m part of their furry pack

Do you know what crop dusting is?
yes

What can you cook the best?
i bake better than i cook, but my lasagna’s pretty tasty when i make the effort, ditto the chicken chili

Have you ever gave or been given a hickey?
i have given and received.  i’m kind of fond of them in a white trash mark me, i’m yours way.

Tell us a memory from riding the school bus:
one time the bus driver missed my stop and drove around with me until the bus was empty before she figured out i was still sitting right there (i was 5)

Do you have allergies to anything?
most everything outside

Would you adopt a child?
sure, why not? we’ll see how things turn out. love the kids.

Last lie you told?
i’m not ‘fessing to that one

Do you know how to dance salsa?
ummm no, but i could dance for some salsa or other burrito condiments if necessary
Do you like it when it rains?
i like to sit on the front porch when it rains
What was the last thing you bought?
food for sleepover kids for tomorrow! and water balloons!

what’s with all the b’days this week…

…somebody better be sharing cake with me, dammit.

Happy Birthday to Spider John, glad surgery went ok & get back to work already!

Happy Bday to Sinderella who hopefully will not lose her glass slipper after the ball.

Happy Bday to Jason, Hairstylist Extraordinaire—I’m pretty sure it’s tradition to give ME a free haircut for your birthday.

Happy Birthday to the Scootster—you get better with age.

and

Happy Birthday to my little brother, not so little anymore, but you’ll always be my baby bro.  You know I’ll make cake for you!

One of my blog posts that got eaten…

…was about wanting things I can’t have.  Your Katster wants many things.

Today in dealing with something important in the morning and something else that also has a ridiculously high priority to me later the same day, I realized that I already have many of the things I want…I just don’t own them, I guess.   I am in a rental situation or long-term lease with things I want.  I can’t call any of the things I want mine outright; they’re shared, they’re loaners…but I want them to be mineminemineminemine.  I call dibs.  Mine.  I’ll give you a dollar for it.

And then let’s revisit the popular theme of “well what would you do with it if it was yours?”  Well, no different than what I do with the whole fine mess in my rental situation, I reckon, but at least I could shout it from the rooftops.  I’m a Virgo–we like ownership and public acknowledgement. 

so i had this thing this morning of importance…

………..and i didn’t throw up, that was a biggie.

and thank gawd for some sanity-saving, ego-boosting pep talks to keep me from hiding under the table or running around in circles chasing my tail (talk me down, man, talk me down)…

……but like so many things of late, it’s one of those things that i can only put out there, lay it on the line, and wait & see, wait & see, wait & see.  i have pretty much unlimited patience, but how thin can i spread it before i freak the hell out?