I know that I can’t save you…
I know that I can’t fix anything for you…
…but damn it all to hell and back, there are days I wish you would just let me try anyway.
And if you refuse to let me try, because you are as stubborn as I am, if you refuse to take the hand that is offered, please find a way to save yourself. Tell me you have a plan. Tell me you’ve come up with something to save yourself. Tell me something.
Vulgarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr live Rammstein (not for watching at work or with your kids), but I think it’s hilarious all the same. And if you’re not sure what all that meant, translation can be found here http://rammstein-europe.com/lyrics.php?sekce=buck-dich&l=en
Hey, I think it’s awesome that ya’ll are so hot for each other that you can’t resist making out right there in WalMart. I think it’s just terrific, good for you! Heck, I’m pretty sure there’s at least one man on earth who could reduce me to sucking face in a retail mecca, so I certainly understand and support you there!
In fact, in my twisted little mind, I like to think you planned ahead to swap spit right there in WalMart…”Jed, it would jazz up our marriage so much if you felt me up at WalMart.” “Sally Sue, I think you’re right! Let’s do that on Sunday when we pick up some antifreeze and some of those frozen cream puff things I like so much.”
But I have to assume that I was not part of your spice-up-your-love-life fantasy. I really can’t imagine that you hoped a grouchy gum-chewing thirty-something wearing the clothes she slept in would hover around your foreplay-fest. I doubt you thought about me standing there, saying “excuse me,” and tapping my foot. While it’s certainly reasonable for all of you to picture me in all your steamiest imaginings, I sincerely doubt you envision me in the sweatshirt I’ve been wearing for the last 18 hours, rubbing my itchy allergy eyes, cracking and popping my Big Red gum…of course, if that is how you like to fantasize about me, we need to get together soon!
Jed, Sally Sue, the problem with making out right there in the candy aisle at the super mega mondo WalMart is that your united pelvises and your cart are blocking the chocolate Twizzlers. I had a few things on my list today that could unfortunately only be found at WalMart, and chocolate Twizzlers were a priority item; I can’t find those at any of the grocery stores close to my house but I can count on WalMart when I need a fix. I truly hate shopping at WalMart, so for me to be there at all is a big damn deal. For ya’ll to block the Twizzlers is a travesty.
I did say “excuse me.” I did take a moment to review my shopping list. I tapped my foot and waited, even stopped and checked my email on my crackberry. I did say “excuse me” again…so there was no reason for ya’ll to look so damned irritated when I gave up and reached around your lovefest to get my chocolate Twizzlers. Sorry to pop your bubble of sex magic, but you just can’t block the chocolate Twizzlers, ok?
Next time ya’ll are gonna work yourselves into a frenzied fever of lovin’ at WalMart, please choose a less busy aisle. I’m gonna suggest that you check into the hunting section; it looked pretty free over by the deer urine and duck calls. You might also consider the artificial flower aisle; I cut through there earlier in my shopping and there was no one around. If you’re feeling extra frisky, why don’t you just park yourselves right there on the display futon and make yourselves at home for a bit before you go pick up the frozen cream puffs Jed likes so much?
Ya’ll feel free to get your freak on, more power to ya, but don’t stand in the way of me and my chocolate Twizzlers.
So I’m not really for or against Marilyn Manson and his eponymous band. Don’t mind at all to listen to the songs, some I even like, but I don’t give a rat’s ass about what Marilyn Manson wears, looks like, dates. If you are paying close enough attention to be shocked or surprised at his appearance or his stage show or whatever, you are feeding into exactly what the band hoped for: attention, press, uproar. Mister Marilyn Manson can call it artistic expression or whatever, but it all boils down to a big fat paycheck at the end of the day—the more the shock, the outrage, the bigger the paycheck. Anyhooooo…
I like the Manson cover of “Sweet Dreams.” Eerie, spooky, enjoyable stuff there, especially as the lyrics are whispered in your ear about three minutes into it, that’s fabulous. I do not like the cover of “Personal Jesus” at all; Depeche Mode’s original version was uber sexy, let’s strip, get on the horse and ride, and even though they made it their own, Manson’s cover is hollow–on a vaguely related note, Rob Zombie’s “Pussy Liquor” has that same “Personal Jesus” type of riff, and it is completely dance on the coffee table and strip-worthy. Some of Manson’s originals like “If I Was Your Vampire” are quite listenable, marrying the woe, doom and gloom of bands like The Cure with a more industrial flavor similar to NIN.
Marilyn Manson’s “Tainted Love” just pisses me off. That’s my song. That’s my on my knees, crawling on all fours, leaving the stage to mingle in the crowd karaoke song. I do it justice. It’s mine. They ripped me off with this song. It loses all its heartsick bitter jaded wonderfulosity in the Manson version. (What’s also terrible, maybe even worse, is H.I.M.’s cover of Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game”…but that’s a tangent for another day) I think they need to blow it up, remove it from the universe, give it back to me, pretend it never existed and we’ll call it even.
Pinky swears are binding on a global basis, so even if you fled the country, your pinky swear would still be honored here and abroad.
Today’s song o’ the day I Walk Beside You, Dream Theater, although I think I prefer the studio version to the live version…the studio version videos were crummy, so tis a concert recording I must post.
Earlier in the week, I posted I Will Follow live for similar reasons—the original video for I Will Follow is readily available, but Bono’s circa 1980 flailing is downright silly in it. As he’s gotten older, he flails less dorkily, so the newer live version is easier to tolerate visually.
…hold you to that pinky swear.
to quote a favorite Fugazi song, “promises are shit, we speak the way we breathe…”
But a pinky swear is another animal entirely. I’m holding you to it.
it’s been a while since i’ve laid any poetry on ya, hasn’t it? here’s a favorite by ee cummings, something sweet and shmoopy and wonderful…i love the line i fear no fate for you are my fate, my sweet. so here, take a poetry break with me now, enjoy:
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
Dear Mr. Dog,
Thank you for suggesting to Mrs. Dog that you change your wedding anniversary date to any other day in the calendar year other than September 5. I appreciate your clear understanding that it was my birthday long before you and the Mrs. wed, and that the celebration of your nuptials year after year is in direct conflict with the celebration of memememememememe ME and my birthday.
In preparation for the reaction of Mrs. Dog, I have an extra pitcher of green Kool Aid chilling in the fridge so you will have something to drink when you have been kicked out of your abode for the rest of the day. Please stop for Little Debbies on the way over.
Love, unicorns and daisies,
Kat
I have to do this survey because the Steinster sent it to me and I miss her and because I opened it and 315 bad things will befall all the earthworms in a tri-state area if I don’t fill it out…or something like that, I really didn’t read that part carefully.
1. Do you like blue/bleu cheese? No, I am afraid of it. Isn’t that like the beginnings of penicillin or something in those streaks?
2. Have you ever smoked? Smoked what?
3. Do you own a gun? Nah, who needs one when you’re a ninja?!
4. What flavor Kool-Aid was your favorite? My fave was and is the lime kind. It’s in the fridge now. It’s lovely with Absolut.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? No, but I don’t like the girly bits appointment when they are scoping out your darkest depths with the salad tongs or whatever…and they wanna be all conversational with you!
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I really don’t think about them a lot…but there’s nothing better (and greasier) than a chili dog and fries from the Hot Dog King.
7. Favorite Christmas movie? ELF!
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Well, if you’d sleep over, you’d know (slumber party, woohoo!). I drink about 100 gallons of water first thing every morning, my asthma and allergy meds make me thirsty. Once I’m suitably sloshy, I can then move on to Diet Coke with Lime or Diet Dr. Pepper.
9. Can you do push ups? Yes but it hurts my rt wrist like a mofo ever since I broke it playing indoor soccer a few years ago.
10. Favorite piece of jewelry? Anything Minime and I made together.
11. Favorite hobby? I don’t have one favorite thing. I am all over the place all the time.
12: Do you have A.D.D./A.D.H.D? Actually, yes, I do. I wouldn’t have told you that last week, but this week, yes, I’ll admit that, because I was an absolute dumbass to try and ignore it (thanks, you, eternal thanks).
13. What’s one trait you hate about yourself? I love me, really, because if I don’t, who will?
14. Middle name? HerRoyalAwesomeness
15. What are you doing at this exact moment? Waiting for the sugar cookies to bake for Minime and Neighbor Girl
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Water, Diet Coke W/ Lime, Red Bull
17. Current worry? No worries really, because everything will work itself out.
18. Something you hate right now? That I’m not on vacation right now, that sucks.
19. Something you love right now? I love my daily email from Bring A Trailer, my morning fix of awesome cars that I will own when I win the lottery this week (I will have the orange Unimog, the orange Porsche AND the orange Bronco, and also that Audi Quattro).
20. How did you bring in the New Year? I have no earthly idea.
21. Where would you like to go? It’s not where you go but who you’re with that really matters…
22. Three people who will complete this? My fellow MySpacers can paste it all over the bulletin board.
23. Do you own slippers? Yes but Minime took them. I resort to socks.
24. What shirt are you wearing right now? purple sweater, I’m a tad chilly
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? No, it’s sweaty, yuck.
26. Can you whistle? Yes
27. Favorite color? Black
28. Would you be a pirate? Aye, I would!
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don’t take showers!
30. Favorite Girl’s Name? I don’t wanna think about that, I’ll just end up adopting another animal
31. Favorite boy’s name? See above
32. What’s in your pocket right now? I am pocketless
33. Last thing that made you laugh? Dad the Bounty Hunter called and asked if I had gas, and I said no that I’d call him next time I farted if he was concerned that I might explode or something. He didn’t think it was funny at all, since he’d just waited in line at the gas station for some time.
34. Best bed sheets as a child? I had pastel rainbow striped ones and a matching bedspread in 6th grade that looked like melting ice cream.
35. Worst injury you ever had? I’m gonna say the whole injury to my back from the first fall off the front steps followed by the fall at work shortly thereafter. Messed me up really bad for more than a year. Losing a year to pain sucked.
36. Do you love where you live? Sure
37. How many TV’s do you have in your house? A couple, but I seldom watch. No time, really.
38. Who is your loudest friend? Probably me!!
39. Does someone have a crush on you? You all do, no matter your gender. I am the bomb.
40. What is your favorite book? Rules of Attraction, Bret Easton Ellis, or most anything by Wally Lamb.
41. Favorite Sports Team? my soccer team, go Holland!
42. What song do you want played at your funeral? Not sure, but I really want you to rock the hell out, there should be a mosh pit, and you are welcome to pull the coffin into it.