Category: kat

Your Nose

I can’t believe you had a nose job.  Do you know what a regular person could do with that kind of money?  Good gawd, I could go on a week’s vacation, pay off a credit card, get a massage and throw one hell of a party, and I’d still have money to spare for what you’ve spent on something that didn’t freakin’ need fixing!

I was looking at our high school yearbook photos just last week at Scootster’s house when I was drinking all his beers…you were cute then, dorky cute, hadn’t quite grown into your calm, confident sense of self yet.  And as an adult, 4 out of 4 people that I surveyed told me they thought your nose was just fine and that you were a good lookin’ guy.

Ah, but now it’s your old nose.  Your old nose was fine.  We must talk about it in the past tense.  Your old nose.  Now you have a nice new nose.  I wonder if I’d still recognize you…I’ve known you since we were Minime’s age, I wonder if my brain can wrap itself around the idea of your new feature–I have the photo you took of yourself on the plane last year, such a good photo, but would I know you today?

It’s just weird for me to think about.  I like to see the familiar angles of my friends’ faces as the years pass.  I take comfort in that familiarity.  And you chose to change that, your choice of course, your call to make and really not my business, but it’s so strange to me, hard for me to understand it.  I don’t choose my friends because of their appearances or their checkbooks or the cars they drive, so in that light, you are my friend no matter how old or new your nose…I send my love, I wish you a speedy recovery and when all’s well, I want to see.  I hope the change brings you confidence and peace.

Bacon

When you’re as important (and moody) as I am, it’s terrific to know that all I have to do is wish for things and there are people who want to make my dreams come true.

Why, just yesterday, I gently kindly wistfully wished aloud for some bacon for a late breakfast.  Or maybe I said I’m starving, why the hell hasn’t anyone around here brought me any freakin’ bacon yet?  I tend to believe I was delicate and sweet in my humble wish…and before I knew it, there was warm crispy bacon being delivered to my office.  I’ll point out that I don’t work in food service and there was no bacon in the building at the time of my request, I just wanted it and someone made it happen for me; this bacon was a special delivery.

If my being in print in Mountain Xpress and being on television this week wasn’t proof enough that the world revolves around me, the bacon, that’s all the proof I need.

Kool Aid

You know you’re a parent when you’ve had a really sucky day at work…so you go to the kitchen to mix up a stiff drink or 3…you open the fridge in search of something to mix with Absolut and all you can come up with is Capri Sun, Kool Aid and strawberry milk.  The milk is automatically out of the question since I can’t drink milk.  I really wanted the Capri Sun but decided getting it out of its little pouch thing was just too much work given the day I’d had.  I chose the Kool Aid…and I must say it really wasn’t half bad!

Sleep

Last night, I slept ten hours.  Ten solid hours.  Must not have moved much, woke up with pillow imprints on the side of my face and a pain in my neck.  But, man, that kind of sleep is just freakin’ delicious when you sleep intermittently like I do. 

Generally, I can fall asleep pretty easily, but I can’t stay asleep.  I feel blessed if I get two to four hours of sleep without waking; this week, I was sleeping in 45 minute intervals, waking up, flipping the pillow over, adjusting the blankets, watching the clock, dozing for another 45 minutes or so.  I usually stay in the bed until sleep returns, because if I get up, I’ll end up watching a movie or folding laundry or repairing drywall and that’s just ridiculous.  Sometimes I do send emails if I’ve been staring into the dark for a long time, but I try to at least do that from my crackberry while still in the cozy bed.

Last night, I went to bed after I tucked the three tweenagers into their nest, and I didn’t wake up, not once, until I heard the girls giggling over cartoons in broad daylight.  Awesome!  I was so kind and sweet this morning; all I was lacking was some bluebirds to twitter around me as I made breakfast for the wild girls.  My day got off to a grand start.  And then……….someone said oh when I sleep like that, then I don’t sleep well for days.

THANKS FOR THE JINX! Who’s up now wide awake goofing off on the computer when she should be sleeping in preparation for the AM roadtrip?!?  Sigh.  I am at least going to turn off this high-tech contraption and hang out with my pillows and blankets in hopes that a wave of sleep might crash over me sometime soon.  G’nite, all, g’nite.

I forgot that song!

I like to listen to the music channels on Charter cable while I clean house.  This morning, I heard a song that I’d sort of forgotten, Epic by Faith No More…which is a really cool song!  But even better, it helped me remember Falling to Pieces also by Faith No More which I like even more than Epic and I’d forgotten all about.  Thanks to Napster for the instant gratification–both tunes are on my mp3 player now.

I love that, though, when you hear a song and you immediately remember every single word and it takes you back to some cool memories.  Epic takes me back to this assembly in high school in the auditorium.  I was a junior or a senior, and they’d brought in this band to play the cool songs of the moment while wearing the cool rock star attire of the moment, and between songs, they would tell us not to do drugs, commit suicide, get pregnant or drop out of high school.  I was still tripping from the night before and their anti-drug message made me laugh out loud just a little too much.  Maybe I was paranoid, but the mop-topped lead singer seemed to really focus in on me (why the hell were we in the front row of a student assembly? we were never in the front row for anything) so I rallied my freak troops to bang heads to Epic and make it look like we were just loving the hell out of that assembly.  It seems I even got an autographed photo of the motivational band for my efforts and enthusiastic (tripping my ass off) participation.  WTF?!  Anyway, that’s what Epic brought back for me…

Falling to Pieces reminds me of nearly wrecking my red Rabbit GTI (love quick little red cars, ya’ll) on a curvy country road near Tryon.  I must’ve been rocking out to that tune when I was driving waaaaay too fast (me, drive fast? crazy, I know) after taking my friend home late one night.  I remember the moon seemed so huge in the sky that night, the windows were down and the music was blasting.  Going over a bridge, my car hit loose gravel and spun completely around twice…I nearly pissed my pants, but whaddya know, I didn’t hit anything, and when the car stopped, I was on the right side of the road headed the right direction.  Thanks to my guardian angel for that, and I rocked my ass on home.

fresh breath crisis?

I was at Sam’s filling up the KatMobile for a road trip.  The guy on the other side of the pump was going through his Jeep at breakneck speed, looking for something, looking, looking…I heard a cuss word or two as he kept searching.

Finally, I hear a cleared throat and a “Hi, excuse me, do you have any gum?”

“Gum?” I ask, obviously perplexed, raising an eyebrow at Jeep Guy.  I’ve been approached for money, food and lots of other entertaining things while pumping gas, but this was a first.  “Is it a gum emergency?”

“Yes, it is,” he replied. “Is this your first time in a gum emergency?”

I said it was, and grabbed the minty fresh gum from the cup holder in my car.  I extended the whole pack, thinking he might need the whole thing to MacGyver together some sort of world-saving device, but no, he just took one piece and thanked me profusely before zooming away in his Jeep.

So now I’m left to wonder what sort of fresh breath crisis lends itself to asking a stranger at a gas pump for gum?  Hot date? Job interview?  Sipping vodka on your lunch break?  Sneaking out and eating a double Whopper then going home to your vegan wife who thinks you’re vegan, too?  I’m so curious!  At any rate, whoever you are, Jeep Guy, I hope all was well once your gum emergency was thwarted.