The Wolverine

ohhhhhh, opening night of The Wolverine.  Me and my Wolverine dog tags, center seat of the center row, yeah!!!

It was so fun.  I loved the fight scene on top of the train.  My only complaint is that the Hollywood version of Wolverine in this movie, like the movies before it, is so much squeaky cleaner than the comic book original.  Wolverine is short and hairy and likes cigars and booze.  Hollywood’s Wolverine is just a little too neat and tidy, but Hugh Jackman still does a good job with the character.  I’d like to see it again and it hasn’t even been a week yet!

Next year will bring a new X Men movie to the big screen, so there’s a reason to live on in nerdy fandom!

“The Conjuring”

My thoughts on “The Conjuring” on the big screen:
First, it’s a great movie if you believe in the paranormal, in the possibility of evil.  It has some well-timed scares and startles and has an interesting storyline.  Supposed to be based on a true story.  It’s fun if you like a good scare.

Second item of note: the characters violate all the rules of scary noises in the night.  If you hear a thump in the night that startles you awake…and then you hear another thump…don’t go investigate!  What the hell is wrong with you? Pull the blankets up over your head as a protective shield against all bogeymen and wait for dawn!  If something grabs your foot in your bed, do not check it out!  Put your feet back in the blankets, wrap up, wait for dawn.  Feel a cold breath on your face in the night?  Again, do not turn on the light, do not get up, do not pass go: blanket as a shield, people! BLANKET AS A SHIELD!

Third thought inspired by the film: if you buy a creepy old house and find a  secret boarded up space under the stairs, leave the mofo boarded up.  Howzabout we not open any haunted portals to other dimensions?!  When I find myself house hunting again someday, I will triple check for zero creepy factor as well as for haunted cellars, possessed attics, mysterious boarded up rooms, blood stains on the floors and walls and for lynching trees where the ghosts of the hanged lurk…only once I’m sure that that a potential home is free of creepyosity and haunts will I sign on the dotted line and move in.  I will not move in sight unseen.  I will not marvel at the wonder of abandoned personal property left by previous owners because IT’S HAUNTED, DUH!  Even a house that seems perfectly normal will be scratched off my list of potential home ownership if it has those scary Amityville Horror windows upstairs…no freakin’ way.  My imagination is far too overactive to move into anything even vaguely resembling Amityville, Camp Crystal Lake or Dracula’s castle.

deep movie thoughts…

I understand it’s unamerican of me to dislike Sandra Bullock as an actress. I’m sorry. I don’t like her. She’s boring, uninspiring, unconvincing. I’m sure in real life, she’s a lovely lady, but on film, bleh. That said, we saw “The Heat” today, and it was much as expected…the big laughs we’d seen in all the commercials already.

But! There was a great trailer for “The Wolverine.” Hell yeah. July 26. I may have to take a long lunch that day just to be one of the first to see it! One of the first graphic novels (thick comic books for big kids, errr, adults) I ever read was the story of Wolverine, so he is close to my heart.

But wait, there’s more!! The only thing that would make me happier than a Wolverine movie is a new Pirates movie…and so it shall be because I wish it! “Pirates 5” may be a year or more away, but I am delighted there will be more Jack Sparrow and company, more fabulous music, farfetched tales. Yay!

Minime & Kat ponder “definitely maybe”

Minime and I watched Definitely Maybe this morning.  It has Ryan Reynolds in it…who somewhat scares me a little in every movie (even comedies) ever since I saw him in the Amityville remake.

Anyway, the point of the movie is Ryan’s character Will telling his daughter the story of the big loves of his life, how he met her mother and where he is in his life now that they are divorcing.  The story spans years, with one character who keeps reappearing in the story.  April (played by Isla Fisher, perhaps best known as Borat’s baby mama?) is the bohemian smartass that weaves in and out of the tale…and she loves Will but the timing is off.  The day she comes back from months of traveling to tell Will she loves him, he’s proposing to someone else he met while April was gone.   More time passes and when Will (typical slow draggin’ ass male) finally comes to tell her he loves her too, she’s cohabitating with some other guy.  And so it goes, back and forth, time passing, weddings, careers, kids, divorces.  Of course, it has a Hollywood ending (spoiler alert) when Will’s daughter tells him she just wants him to be happy, so together, at the very end they go and get the girl.

Minime wanted to ponder and reflect on this movie, so here’s the dialogue that went down on the couch as the credits rolled a few minutes ago…

The Kid: Hey, do you think that ever happens or is it made up?

Me: What?

The Kid: That people don’t marry the one they really really reallllllllllly love.  Will loved the girl’s mommy that he married, but he loved April in a better way for a longer time.

Me: Errrrrrrrrrrrr…Yes, I guess.  I think people marry people they love, but maybe not always their one great big true love.  Maybe.  I dunno.

The Kid:  That’s stupid to do.

Me: Uhhh, yes, but it happens.  (this is the part where I deftly try to change the subject) We should go out to lunch!

The Kid: (The Kid is even more conversationally persistent than I am, and she’s not done) I’m not hungry.  Why would people not marry their big love person?  That’s just dumb.  You marry your big love person and have babies and smile at each other a lot.

Me:  Errrrrrrr…Just like in the movie, honey.  Timing, I guess.  April loved him, but he was with someone else because he didn’t have any idea at all that she loved him.  But then he knew, and when he was ready to love her, she’d moved on.  Let’s go to IHOP!

The Kid:  I don’t want to go to IHOP.  Why do people move on?

Me:  Errrrrrrrrr, wow, kiddo, you’re killing me a little today! I guess people move on because no one wants to be all alone, and maybe they’re afraid they’ll never get to have that, what did you call them, “big love person.” They’re afraid they’ll never have that person.

The Kid: Crap, that’s stupid.  Of course you can have your big love person, but sometimes you have to wait a long time, like in the movie.

Me: Don’t say “crap,” you’re not allowed to say that.  Maybe so, kiddo, maybe so…and I think we’re going to skip romantic comedies from now on, ok?

The Kid: No, you need to watch them so you can figure love out.  (and with that, Miss Priss bounced off the couch…)

OH MY GOD.  I think my kid just schooled me on life and love as she flounced off to straighten her hair.  And I think………………………………………………………………………..sigh, sigh, sigh.  I think I’ll just rent all the Death Wish movies tonight to wash all this nonsense out of my brain.