…so i’m blogging about scoot’s new lamps before he does. scoot bought new lamps and end tables and went crazy at bed bath and beyond today, cra-zazy. nice lamps, damn fine lamps, quality lighting. it is also noteworthy that he made me use a coaster today!!! wtf?! how grownup is that! i don’t recall that he made our heathen wild child 10 year old girls use coasters, but i had to use one. scoot’s nesting to prepare his new digs for his “girlfriends and hoes,” he says. so, ladies of west ashevegas and the enka-candler area, look out!
Category: kat
a joke-thx to stampin’ t
g rated jokes seldom make me laugh, but this one did:
One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets Saint Peter himself. Saint Peter says to the cat, “You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know.” The cat thinks for a moment and says, “Peter, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor.” Saint Peter stops the cat and says, “Say no more,” and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven. Again, Saint Peter is there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer, “All our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from the cat, dogs, and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we’re tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don’t have to run anymore?” Saint Peter says, “Say no more” and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.
About a week later, Saint Peter stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. Saint Peter gently wakes the cat and asks him, “How are things since you got here?” The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, “It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those ‘Meals On Wheels’ you’ve been sending by are the best!”….
hey
Ask me.
Ask me anything,
I’ll tell you,
I wanted to tell you something,
Wanted to blurt out five thousand things,
But wasn’t sure if silence was the currency
Holding it all together.
Will I, can I
Can you, will we
Ask me.
tell me a secret
so today, i challenged someone to tell me a secret. i know, i know, i’m an emailing pain in the ass looking for entertainment during an otherwise sucky work day. everyone who’s had to amuse me with song lyrics and bad puns knows there are days i must be distracted, must be entertained through my entire work day to get from the morning to the time when i can walk out the door…today was one of those days, as i started out fairly flippin’ irritated and needed some levity.
what was interesting when it came down to being told the secret…the person was sure i already knew it. but i didn’t! not a freakin’ clue! really! and i’m usually pretty intuitive about things, but seriously, not a clue. that’s the thrill of telling people things, of putting things out there, no matter how small. you can never really be sure that anyone really knows anything or understands any situation unless you’re willing to spill the beans.
today’s lessons are
1. email me and amuse me
2. never assume anyone knows what the hell is in your head, put it out there!
3. i can answer the front desk phone, talk on the cell phone, remote access my desk to work on a memo and smile all at the same time, proved it today!
4. tell me a secret! i might tell you one back. but i am the notoriously elusive, evasive answer-a-question-with-a-question kat after all, so i might not…
Ok, so I should be studying
Yeah yeah, I just started back to school and already I’m not paying attention. Instead, I’m eating cherries, running outside and spitting the pits, then tying the stems in a knot with my tongue. It’s easier, I think, to tie the stem of a maraschino cherry like the ones found on top of fruity cocktails. Maybe it’s the cocktail itself that makes the tying easier? I dunno. But it’s hard with fresh cherry stems. And cherry pit spitting is one of my favorite summer indulgences, sitting on the front porch in the evening, and spitting the pits as far as I can into the yard like the delicate sweet flower I am. Now why is it again that I’m single?
Because I said I would and I’m a brat
If you need someone to sue, or need someone to blame, I’ve got your guy.
Need someone to bitch at?
Need a whipping boy?
Need a scapegoat?
Yep, I’ve got your fellow.
Direct all your life’s problems & complaints to J.D. Dog, 1313 Mockingbird Lane, Sunny South Ashevegas,NC 00666
OK. So not his actual address…but it’s enough to know that whatever the problem, you can blame the Dog.
Fireworks were good
City of Asheville’s fireworks over downtown were pretty good, though I really could’ve passed on the cover of “Shakedown Street” that went on for seemingly days before the fireworks display…ok, maybe it wasn’t days and it’s just that Grateful Dead covers in general make my skin crawl, but whatever.
The kids (I came with two and left with three!) were suitably thrilled with the fireworks. In a time when the kids have all been there done that, it’s nice that sitting down on a summer night to watch fireworks can still impress.
i don’t like…
…when people play games with me, you know what I mean? Say one thing, but really mean another? Don’t like it. Works my nerves.
And I don’t like it when someone tries to pick a fight with me, and I maintain my calm for a verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry long time because I don’t like to be baited. And when I finally do snap after being endless badgered and backed into a corner and I finally raise my voice a smidgen, I’m the evil mean one? WTF?
Sigh. It’s all a game, and I’m not playing anymore. Count me out. Take your ball off the playground and go home. Find someone else to bully and manipulate. Geez.
Tomorrow is Chiquita’s Birthday
To celebrate Chiquita’s birthday, there will be fireworks everywhere!!!
Given the recent health scares (no more dying, geez!), I’m super grateful that Chiquita’s around to celebrate this bday at all. I’m glad my fearless wingman is doing well (despite the curse of the crushed turtle, but blame the ninja for that) and that I can go back to being the center of attention like I’m supposed to be!!
Happy Birthday, Chiquita! (remember when you tanned yourself into another ethnicity, omg! or the wayne’s world ride! or love shack karaoke?! here’s to a million more remember whens!)
any time
kat’s phone hotline for venting is open 24/7 for friends in crisis. and for that matter, the front porch (cold beer available for a small service charge) is open 24/7 too, weather permitting. if i say anything any time, i mean it.