Job Change Panic

As the job change draws closer, I am FREAKING THE HELL OUT!

I am not a job hopper, so the change makes me nervous.

What if I don’t like it?

What if they don’t like me?

My back is out right now, has been in spasms for days…some of that can be attributed to flying in cheap seats, unable to move, for business meetings last week.  Some of it can also be attributed to fear of the unknown.  I’m trying to be present and roll with it, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous or afraid.  I totally am.  I am a bit of a wreck right now.

What’s so weird to me is that I’m telling people I’m a wreck, a total hot mess, and I’m getting “lol” type of responses.  Seriously? Like I’m hanging on by my fingernails and that merits “lol?”

This will pass, sure, as all awkward times do, but the ride is a rough one for me.

Job Change

If I’m not writing often, it usually means I’m stuck in my head, turning over the tiniest details of something over and over.

I got offered a job.  They came looking for me; I didn’t apply there.  The opportunity seems like a good one.

I’ve been so torn over it, because I love what I do for a living now…alas, I earn about what I made 10 years ago, and we all know the economy around us has changed in the last decade.  I wish I could say that money doesn’t matter, and I could stay with the job I love.  I have worried and fretted over this decision.

But…thanks to a really direct and candid late night conversation while watching The Blues Brothers (the original, not the remake), I saw clearly that it doesn’t make sense to stay on where I am.  It was pointed out that in a better financial position, I can donate money or time or both, so I can still be involved in what I love…that I don’t have to choose between the two.  Oh.  Duh.  Seriously, I was feeling like it was an all or nothing scenario, and I needed the proverbial grab by the shoulders.  Grateful that folks care enough to be straight with me.

At the end of February, I will start a new job.  I hope I meet their expectations, and then I hope I exceed them.  I hope to find the happiness under the hood, behind the scenes, at this new gig.  The position is a little isolated, one where I won’t really have a peer, but I think it’s going to be okay.

The biggest downside is I will have to put on pants and go into the world, and I have so loved working from home.  There are times when I don’t leave the house for days other than to walk the dogs, and I love it.  It’s been so good for me to have a 40 hour job with no commute after years of driving all over NC, working crazy hours.

So.  Change is coming.  Change is good.  Change is uncomfortable, but really, nothing exciting ever happens within our comfort zones, right?!

Good things

It’s not all as craptacular and heavy as it feels. There’s good stuff happening that I need to notice.
1. I had a crazy great phone call that almost sounded like they were trying to create a job just for me. That was awesome. Let’s see how that shapes up.
2. I had a good class last night. Candles, crystals, and chucking the new year’s resolutions idea right out the window.
3. That kiddo of mine is making me so proud with her progress. She’s a motivated, driven, smart young woman, and she is kicking ass.
4. I’ve had a nice little back and forth chat with someone from elementary school days. Connection and catching up always feels good to me for I am the cruise director on this mofo. Even die-hard introverts like me crave connection.
5. I woke up early and got more shizz done by 7:30 AM than most will do all day. Documents completed and sent, meditation, updates done to my website, laundry, dishes, snuggles with a pup, and even an early morning meeting.

Sunday Afternoon Ramblings

If I’m neglecting my writing, it can usually be attributed to feeling like crap. I’ve felt like crap for a few weeks thanks to hellacious allergies. I am very possibly open to living in one of those bubble suits. Doc says take two different allergy meds each day for the next few weeks, and that slows the snotfest, but it gives me epic headaches. Damned if ya do, damned if ya don’t. Feeling better this weekend, so let’s ramble, shall we?

I’m off the dating site. Disabled my account because the flood of lewd messages was relentless, and I was also receiving tons of hostile messages about how women have ruined marriage, ruined family, ruined love. Whoa, please don’t get any of your crazy on me, thanks. The harmless “hi, how are you” types of messages were few and far between.


I did wrangle one pretty terrific date and phone number out of the site before I disabled my account. It might jinx things to say he’s super promising as our second date fast approaches, but I had fun on our sushi date, and the conversation and laughter were easy. “Ease” is underrated in the dating world. I prefer ease. I don’t want to “make” anything work, force something; the magic is either there or it’s not. Ease. Magic. Yes.

Crafting my ass off in cameo land. It brings me joy to create them from dust, from nothing.

Promotion is a done deal at work, and my work schedule is changing, hallelujah. My only gripe about work was the schedule, so I’m thrilled to be moving into a schedule that is a better fit. The challenge right now is to train on my new role while still doing my old role; things feel a little overwhelming, but I am grateful for the opportunity. Once the dust settles, things will be awesome.

I could use a vacation. Send money 😉

Gettin’ My Crafty On

I haven’t been writing or working on some of my other entrepreneurial ideas as much because an opportunity popped up to share my cameo pendants at a craft show…and I also got a couple offers to consign my jewelry at local shops.  Say what?! Crazy cool.


I hand pour into the mold for each cameo, I hand paint each one and add shading,  and then I assemble the whole shebang.  I have some traditional cameos of women in profile, but I prefer to make the more gothy ones with skulls and fairies.  Cameos for your inner badass.  Cameos for the rock n roller at heart.  I’m pondering putting these on Etsy, too.

The interest in these is so exciting, because I freakin’ love making them.  We’ll see what happens next!

OK Eek

So, I work a couple of jobs to make ends meet. I have a serious big ol’ ginormous ethical sort of issue with one job, so I gave notice.  Today’s my last day.  I feel brave, but I also feel scared outta my mind about what’s next.

I don’t work a couple jobs because it’s awesome; I work a couple jobs because I need the funds to pay the bills.   I’ve applied for some things and haven’t heard a peep.

If we are connected on the social media platforms, you might see me promoting various things I’m working on…don’t feel obligated to buy or participate in anything that’s not your thing, but shares and tags for people who might be a fit are always appreciated.

Catch me, Universe, since I’m taking a step without seeing the stairs in front of me.

a moment of gratitude

i’m sitting in a hotel room, gazing out at the mountains that surround downtown Salt Lake City. i’m here for work, resting in the loveliest of hotels.

i am blessed, and i want to give thanks. i am doing work that i feel good about with a great organization. i have the best of friends looking out for me in the world. i have love and happiness and all the really great stuff that can’t be bought.

the road to this place in my life has been fucking hard, ya’ll. i am so pleased and happy to be in a good spot right now. my gratitude is enormous.

New Gig

Training for new gig.
Still weirdly missing aspects of old gig.
When I run out of yerba mate, I can’t walk down the hall and ask Grumpy Cat if she has more in her well-stocked desk drawer. I can’t visit Daisy to ponder how we can start a side business and work for ourselves. Since I don’t go anywhere all day, I, umm, don’t go anywhere all day, so that’s kind of weird; it’s good, but it’s also weird.
In positive news, I work 8 hours, give or take a few minutes, and that’s it. I am not on call. I get to eat lunch every day. I work 5 days. No one expects me to check emails on my days off. That is pretty dang awesome after about a decade and a half of being on call, on demand, non stop, even on vacay.
Such ridiculousness I endured…and for what? No fanfare on my last day. I kept thinking someone might bring by flowers or something…and nothing. No one walked me out the door. No one waved farewell. The door locked behind me and that was that.

A few thoughts from Utah

Change is scary, but staying stuck is scarier.
I miss my bed!
In Ashevegas, I am the Snot Queen. Here in the high altitude and desert, I am the Nosebleed Queen. I am always bringing sexy back, yo.
I just did a test to affirm what I’ve learned in my first week of a five week orientation process, and I did fine, but it was surprising to realize just how much I’ve already learned.
Sometime sushi places make this stuff up. Surf and turf sushi?? (it was good)
I am so grateful for all the love and encouragement that’s been given to me for this change. I’m still scared; I’d be lying if I claimed I wasn’t nervous and weirded out. I chose to earn less money in order to live more richly…I hope you’ll buy me dinner sometime 😉
I miss my kiddo. Teenagers are difficult animals that test our patience, but I miss her snarky eye-rolling face.
Flying is cool, but were the seats designed for people with no arms? Where am I supposed to put my elbows? Do I really have to fold up like origami for four hours at a time?
Audio books are awesome. Close your eyes. Headphones on. Kick the seat back that one glorious inch we’re allotted on a flight and it’s wonderful.
I miss my fur children. I’m told they miss me and are acting out a little…good. Let them know The Food Lady is coming home soon.

Greetings from…Utah!

I’m on the other side of the country…might as well be the other side of the world. No hipsters, craft beer, or tattoos ’round here.
This is the beginning of a new adventure…this time of transition is weird to say the least. I switch between wildly excited to completely freaked out about every 3 minutes or so.