Category: kat

Paintball Badassery

Yesterday, my dad (Dad the Bounty Hunter) and my coworkers found ourselves at Wolverine Paintball battling it out with a rival business.  If you’ve never played paintball before, go!  It’s hilarious and stress-relieving and exercise all at once.  I must give a shoutout to Anthony (funny and patient with the newbies!), John and all the staff at Wolverine for being super friendly and really helpful to everyone in our group.

We played on two different courses: the woods and speedball.  In the woods, it’s an army-style battle, hiding in the brush, scampering from tree to tree in hopes of sniping a member of the enemy team before they get you!  Dressed in camo, I belly crawled, hid in the brush, dove behind trees and shot the hell out of the other team and got the snot shot out of me as well.  Laying in wait in the woods gets to be pretty scary—with your protective face mask on, the sound of your own breath is amplified, and your peripheral vision is limited, so hunkering down in the weeds, waiting for the enemy to pass by, my heart was racing and I was sweating and paranoid that they’d sneak up on me from behind and shoot me in the back…in other words, it was freakin’ awesome!!

The speedball course is where I got all my bruises.  I considered posting photos of the bruises here, but they have all morphed into such giant purple hideousness that I don’t want to gross you out online (but I’ll be happy to show you in person!).  The speedball field has obstacles but is clear of trees and brush, so basically, you know where your enemy is, it’s just a matter of shooting them before they shoot you as you move from obstacle to obstacle.  Where the woods course involves patience, the speedball course involves a mad rush of adrenaline as the paint goes flying every which way!

Everyone had a tremendously good time…how could you not?  You get to run around and play army or A-Team or whatever like you did when you were a kid, you get to blast people with paint and you laugh and yelp and forget about every stupid thing that was stressing you out before you got there.

My birthday is coming up, and I have to say I am truly torn between going roller skating and playing paintball…can I do both?????

(go see the gang at Wolverine and raise hell!)

A Fabulous Farewell for The Bean

One of my favorite coworkers is moving away; The Bean has been offered a job that she couldn’t pass up, and so she’s outta here!  Can’t blame her, but I hate it.  It’s such a treat to have coworkers you actually like to see, office buddies that make the whole thing a little more tolerable.  The Bean has an optimistic outlook and good sense of humor, and our office could use heaps of that–we’ll all miss her so much!

Friday night we had a little farewell gathering for The Bean over karaoke.  As many songs as we sang alone or as “The Wild Girls,” as we were dubbed by the DJ, it might as well have been our own private party.  Our posse paid tribute to Billy Idol, Pat Benatar, Wham!, Frank Sinatra, The Clash and everyone in between as we raised our glasses and raised hell.

I have my own repertoire of songs I will sing in public, drunk or completely sober–liquid courage is not required for me to do karaoke, as I’m ready to make an ass of myself 24/7.  I have my karaoke standards that are easy and fun, like “Love Shack” and “Tainted Love.”  Since it was a special evening, I decided to broaden the horizons and select something I would normally never sing outside my car.  I opted for the Violent Femmes’ “Add It Up,” the little ditty that asks “Why can’t I get just one kiss…” and ponders “Why can’t I get just one screw?” and goes on to explore “Why can’t I get just one fuck?”  It was a true crowd pleaser, but whether I’d do it again depends entirely on the crowd, really–I wouldn’t want to roll that one out at an office social or anything (though I have writhed on the floor singing “Like A Virgin” for an office event!).

I hope The Bean enjoyed her shindig.  I know I did, and her beau was a freakin’ hoot and a half!  The Bean’s got some packing to do and some loose ends to wrap up, but before you know it, she’ll have left Western NC for a bigger city and new adventures.  I’ll miss The Bean and her silliness, as well as the wisdom she’s shared with me along the way.  She is one cool chickie, and I wish her a blessing for every time she laughs in a day.  I’ll miss you—-good luck, good things, keep smiling and sharing your spirit everywhere you go, girl!

if i love ice cream…

…if i love ice cream so much, why doesn’t it love me back?

Since I was preggers with Minime more than a decade ago, certain foods have decided to longer be my friend.  The dairy group as a whole broke up with me pretty much.  I refuse to let it go: it’s not you, it’s me, we’ll figure something out!

I can’t have plain ol’ milk without getting heinously sick.  When I was in Jamaica, they had this awesome cold porridge stuff with oats and nuts and fruit and they covered the whole thing in milk.   I ate this delicious stuff every morning I was there!  And I got sick every day I was there after my porridge, agonizing stomach cramps galore… Of course on day 3 or so, my then hubby Mr. Kat 2.0 suggested I stop eating the magic porridge for breakfast.  I suggested he piss off and stop bossing me around because I was completely willing to trade a bowl full of truly wonderful yum for an hour of misery.

I can do a little yogurt, sometimes even a little cheese…but ice cream is different…

Ice cream I can eat in moderation.  “Moderation” tends to mean that I shouldn’t eat the entire container of Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food for dinner.  Moderation is something I’m not good at—the way I live tends to be pedal to the metal, go for it; moderation is for wimps, wusses and nancyboys.  Really, to avoid the drama and pain, I shouldn’t have ice cream at my house at all…

…But somehow, I magically had this big ol’ container of Moose Tracks in my freezer.  I don’t know how it got there.  Magic, I guess, because surely I’m not so stupid that I would buy something that causes me pain??!!  I decided I wanted the little chocolatey bits out of the Moose Tracks last night, so I set about digging into the container and excavating the chocolate out when I hit the motherlode: my spoon hit a ribbon of fudgey goodness so wide and wonderful that I felt giddy.  I knew right then and there that the entire ribbon of fudge was mine, but I would have to dig it out…and it only made sense to eat the ice cream along the way to get to the fudge.  The search for the ribbon of fudgey goodness took an evil turn as I ate more ice cream than one would call “moderate…”  I got it! I got the entire ribbon out, extracted the frozen chocolate happiness just as the stomach pain kicked in…oh helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.  I really couldn’t decide if I was going to barf in the freezer (as all of this is taking place standing up in the kitchen, freezer door ajar) or if I was going to double over in pain from the gut-wrenching cramps on the floor right there.

I decided to stagger to bed, given that I should’ve been in bed maybe an hour before that anyway.  And just before I dropped off to sleep in the fetal position of agony, I thought about how much I liked digging the chocolate fish out of Phish Food so much better than I like the stuff in Moose Tracks…

I’m addicted to myspace surveys

I love myspace surveys, those ridiculous getting to know you things…why do I do them? Because often I get so busy I can’t check in with all my friends one by one, so it’s just a silly way to stay in touch with everyone all at once, just goofy and fun.  But what about everyone who isn’t on myspace?!?!?!  OMG! How will you know what I’m doing right this second!!!  So! Here’s a survey now…

 

Does the last person who put their arms around you mean anything to you?
no, I randomly hug strangers on the street because i went to warren wilson and have a compulsion to hug people  (ok, actually as a result of the non-stop hugathon that was my warren wilson experience, i have all these space issues and have a hug aversion!)
Last person you texted?
the scootster

Who has your myspace password?
sometimes, not even me!

Honestly, how many people have you completely fallen for in your life?
ummmmmmmmmm, wow.  that’s a hard question that i shall plead the fifth on right this instant because it would require like a 3 hour explanation.
What were you doing at 11:00 AM?
getting ready for a meeting

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex that you talk to 24/7?
not 24/7, that’s hyper-needy

What are you doing tomorrow?
workinggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
Are you ticklish?
in spots but really that just makes me think of that horrible video of setting tickle me elmo on fire.

What are you listening to?
pantera
How is your hair?
sticky outy

How is your heart lately?
same as its been for a while

Name something that made you frown today?
they were out of the salad dressing i wanted at lunch.  otherwise, i’m not so much a frowner as a scowler.  a scowl and a frown are totally different.

What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
water

Who was the last person you said “i love you” to ?
minime
What color is your phone?
silver and black

What makes you mad?
ummmm, being manipulated, game-playing and button-pushing

What do you spend most of your money on?
bills

Who was the last person to call you?
ummmmmmmmmmmm, let’s see…carole

Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?
if i f-ing want to, you aren’t the boss of me

How long does it take for you to take a shower?
i dunno since i’m the queen of the bubble bath

When was the last time you cried?
dunno

Do you like the smell of gasoline?
what the hell kind of question is that?

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you?
sure, can you blame them?? but not lately

Do you have any obsessions right now?
i think a lot about chocolate chip cookies
Where were you last night?
working from home

Do you have plans today?
working at work, and working at home

Do you like who you are, as a person?
hell yeah i do, i’m the bomb diggity

Is there one thing that is on your mind constantly?
Yes, there is, but that’s nunya.

Have you talked to a complete meany today?
i work with a whole herd of ’em

Are you wearing socks?
yes

Do you regret something you did yesterday?
i don’t do regrets
Do you have anything in your pockets right now?
no

In the past week have you gotten sick?
headache but not sick

In the past week have you gotten your hair cut?
no

Did you give anyone a dirty look today?
nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, i’m too freakin’ nice for my own good

Has someone disappointed you recently?
yes

Are you comfortable answering personal questions?
uhhh, sure, why do you ask? is that a new scarf you’re wearing? how are you? how’ve ya been?

Do/did you do good in school?
i must! it’s a compulsion

What are you wearing on your feet?
work type shoes

If you could pack up and move, would you?
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm under the right circumstances, yep, i’d go just about anywhere in the world, yes indeedy

Do you always get along with your siblings?
when i’m not picking his pocket—damn, that pissed him off!

Relationship Status?
null

Do you hate your last boyfriend/girlfriend?
no i don’t really do hate either
When is the last time you took a nap?
sunday while studying!
Do you only drink bottled water?
nah, that’s stupid
What are you listening to right now?
you just asked me that, but now it’s danzig
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
no one’s called since the last time you asked

To text you?
stop repeating questions it freaks me the hell out

To send you a Myspace message?
hmmm. The Bean?

What’s on your mind most today?
nunya nunya nunya

Something that happened today that made you angry?
nothing really

Are you happier when your single or in a relationship?
i’m happy all the time, really, it’s annoying!

Did you have chicken pox?
yup

Have you dated anyone that wasn’t good to you at times?
unfortunately, yes

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
i stifle it down because that’s totally healthy and normal, right?

How will you spend your next birthday?
i hope you’ll buy me stuff and give me cake and take care of me like you’re supposed to, ya bunch of freakin’ weasels…september 5!

Do you wear makeup?
nope, i wear sunscreen and that’s about the only necessity i roll with on a daily basis

Are you missing someone?
you bet…some living and some not.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. hmmmm. yeah, i guess. but not a third, fourth, fifth, sixth or seventh chance!

Intuition…

The theme of intuition has come up a lot lately for me in the last few days, so I thought I’d blog just a little bit about it.

I think everyone has intuition, instinct, gut feelings that give you a feel on a situation, give you some insight into something.  I think, though, most of us choose to ignore that little voice, and I think when you ignore the feeling or the vibe or whatever the hell you want to call it, it happens less and less.

I don’t always follow my intuition…and usually when I don’t, I end up wishing I had! I wind up with a case of the shoulda woulda couldas—oh man, I shoulda done that, I wish I woulda said that, I coulda been so happy.  Yep. I try to listen.  Sometimes I’m slow to listen, like when it took me nearly a decade to act on something that my gut feeling tried to guide me on once upon a time–I’m stubborn, ya know, and sometimes instinct goes against logic and reason, and I’m ever so fond of logic and reason.  Oh, but sometimes, out of left field, you just know, you just know something with the certainty of every freakin’ fiber of your being, and that is intuition, my friends.

When I talk about intuition or instinct, I’m not even talking any new-agey woowoo channeling the voice of an ancient shaman nonsense, just that basic gut feeling you get when you meet someone new or go somewhere you’ve never been before…is this a nice person or a mean person kind of feeling? Is this a safe place or should I carry a machete?

Listen to yourself.  You know best, you really do.  If the nagging feeling in the core of your being is trying to guide you, hear it at least for today and see where it takes you!

The Kung Fu movie was cool, too…

Last night, Minime and I met up with Vernie Sue and her nieces and nephews for a free outdoor showing of “Golden Blade III: Return of the Monkey’s Uncle.”  First, a free movie is a wonderful thing.  Second, a free OUTDOOR movie on a summer evening is into a realm beyond wonderful.  Third, it was kung fu: I need say no more other than it was kung fu!

A grand time was had by all in our group.  We spread a blanket under the stars and sprawled out for a couple hours.  Nice, really nice.  With no drive-in movie nearby, this is as close as we can get to that sort of experience.  I loved the movie (who doesn’t love subtitled kung fu films with tongue in cheek wit?) and loved the opportunity to just relax and laugh with friends and kids.  It was everything good about summer all rolled up into one evening.

Roller Derby Rocks!

Me, Baby Brother, Minime and one o’ her many sidekicks went to the Civic Center this fine evening for some hot roller derby action.  Where the hell were you?  2 bouts tonight for the regular price of admission, all kinds of brawling and tantrum throwing, AWESOME!  I think the Blue Ridge Rollergirls have another bout in Ashevegas August 9, so I fully expect you to be there.  We’ve gotta support this local stuff lest it disappear the way not one but TWO hockey teams evaporated in our hometown.

I hate it…

…when I miss the window of sleep…I felt sleepy for maybe 10 minutes about three hours ago…and then it was gone.  So I’m up and I’m typing and thinking maybe a bubble bath will do the trick. 

For those not in the know about my sleep problems, sleep comes and goes for me.  Sometimes, I’ll sleep a few nights in a row with no problem and that is just freakin’ glorious and I feel so good…or I’ll go night after night like I have of late with trouble falling asleep, then once I finally hit slumberland, I have trouble staying asleep, sleeping in 45 minute blocks before waking up to thinkthinkthink and stare at the ceiling before I might maybe doze off a little bit for 45 minutes or so and then the next day I can still sort of function but my temper get super short and my already short attention span becomes non-existent.  Yeah yeah, I know there are drugs to help me sleep, but I’m wary and leary of the side effects, I’m not ready to do that yet.