I am not ashamed that I retreated for space to think. That is who I am. That is how I am. It is extreme self care.
I will endure irritations and upsets for so very long, years, so long that perhaps people think it’s okay to continue…until one day, a seemingly small line is crossed yet again, and poof, I’m gone because I can’t smile through it anymore. Ask my ex husbands. Ask the lovers I didn’t wed. Ask my employers. One day, I’m just done and have to go. I have to go or I will break down.
I am not ashamed to create this space, this retreat, when I need it. I am disappointed, though, that there was some lashing out toward others who didn’t deserve it. My exit stage left was mine alone. I doubt anyone would guess my true reasons, and the reasons are not at all for public consumption. I am a private person, and there are times where my privacy seems like the only thing I have left…if you try to take that, too, ahhhh…that’s pretty much the final nail in the coffin.
I am not ashamed to create a quiet, safe space to ponder, to lick my wounds. I am disappointed that others got slapped for my need to seek a simple respite. I am dismayed that turning inward for reflection resulted in…the results. That sucks.