it’s after 3 am on January 1.
wide awake because as designated driver, i was drinking soda all night.
my face hurts, friggin’ abscessed tooth, but i rang in (moshed in) the new year with a smile anyway.
i still mosh or slam dance or whatever you call it. i’ve always been a sturdy, strong beastie of a girl, well suited to play defense in soccer and to mosh hard in a ring of sweaty men at concerts. it’s a healthy way to deal with my stress.
my ears are still ringing from the music, but i thought i should wish 2014 farewell and greet the new year here in this space with some thoughts.
there were some awkward, hard, yucky times in 2014. i was faced several times over with “settling” for less than what was good for me…and i’m proud to say i walked away from those situations. it wasn’t easy, but i have worked hard to choose myself in the last year, to put my well-being first whenever possible. self preservation isn’t always popular, and being perpetually single sucks, but i will not compromise on some issues–i just can’t and won’t.
my biggest accomplishment of 2014 is letting good people back into my life. i have willfully isolated myself over the last few years and been very guarded, but in 2014, especially in the last few months, i was deliberately different. i gave and received hugs, tons of them. i texted and emailed people who made me laugh or made me think. maybe not a big deal to you, dear reader, but openly letting people care about me is not something i’m good at; it’s fucked up, because i can care about people all day long, but i’m resistant to letting them care about me. in 2014, i let some good ones in, closer, confiding, laughing; i hope they’ll hang around.
2015 is a blank book, a blank canvas. i hope i do good things with it. i want to love some great people and let them love me back. i want to laugh a hell of a lot. i want to watch movies on my friends’ couches and stay up late talking about everything and nothing. i want to push myself physically just because i can. i want to get to know the good people in my world, and i’m finally okay with really letting these good people know me. i want to read good books, eat amazing meals, and take walks where i notice the clouds or the stars. i wish for time for relaxation as well as time for grand adventures. i hope i get to kiss the hell out of someone in 2015 and steal their blankets. happy new year, friends.