i admitted…

…to reading Missed Connections on craigslist.  I also read the Casual Encounters posts, too, I admit it!  And I want to know, do people really “hook up,” if you know what I mean wink wink nudge nudge say no more, through these ads??

I won’t be answering these ads, but I would love to offer some guidelines for the men posting them:

OH MY GOD CHECK YOUR SPELLING!  You are not sticking anything of yours near anything of mine, clothed or unclothed, with spelling and grammar that bad.

Why in the hell would you post photos of your weenie on the Internet unless that in and of itself is your thrill?  I don’t know a single woman at all that bases how much play a potential suitor is going to get on the appearance of his weenie.  Put it away at least until you’re on a first name basis.

Please don’t describe yourself as “good looking and super fit.”  We know you aren’t, and we’re ok with that.  Regular people are far more attractive than arrogant assholes anyway, truly.

And what’s with “I’m looking for petite Asian women only” and similar posts?  This isn’t the drive thru at Burger King, there is no menu to pick from to have it your way.  If you’re that picky, just buy some porn or hunt down a brothel.  Your posts that rule out 99.99999999999% of the people reading it are narrowing your booty call chances significantly!

I’m just going to suggest a post here.  Again, I won’t be responding to these posts, I get my cheap thrills just reading them and trying to figure out who really posts these things!  But , here’s a sample “casual encounters” post:

“Regular guy seeks regular girl.  Only photos I have are of me leaving my high school prom, so subtract 80% of the hair and add 80% more weight to visualize me now.  I brush my teeth and shower daily, have gainful employment and don’t live with my mom.  I’d like some hot action–no stunts, no props, no fetishes–just the usual normal good stuff without having to buy you flowers or meet your family. Interested?”     I think that sort of post will up your chances of getting some random nookie tremendously.  Boasting is a turnoff, especially when we know you’re making it all up!!

I’ll go back to reading now…

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