Dear Justin,
I’m writing to let you know that you owe me 2 hours of my life back. I just watched Alpha Dog and I want to travel back in time and not put the DVD in tonight.
JT, I appreciate you shirtless just as much as the next female with a pulse, perhaps even more so, but wow. Whoa. This was horrible. HORRIBLE! Not even like fun horrible, just horrible.
So for those snoopers reading this private note written specifically to you, JT, I’ll let them know that Alpha Dog is the story of a bunch of stoners and the guy they “kidnapped.” My man Justin spends a good portion of this film shirtless, and even this was not enough to make it tolerable.
Supposedly based on a true story, the whole plot revolves around using the “F” word every 2nd or 3rd word while getting high. The story is so weak, so dreadfully predictable. But I tried! Oh, Justin, I tried to hang on, waiting for it to get better…it only got worssssssssssssssssssssssse.
Justin, please—don’t do this to me again. I’m going to put the DVD back in its little red Netflix wrapper and put it in the mail and pretend like this never happened. I’m going to youtube and I’m going to see if you can bring sexy back and bleach Alpha Dog from my brain.
I still love you,
Kat
It wasn’t a movie that I will ever watch again…but I don’t think I demanded my 2 hrs back. Now there are plenty of other awful movies out there that we should sue for time not well spent.
Wait…ooo have you seen Snakes on a m*ther f*cking Plane? Now there’s a movie that I need a lawyer for.
What about Black Snake Moan? I think that’s the name. Your boy JT, Christina Ricci and Samuel L Jackson are in it. That looks equally lousy.