Thoughts

I know you hated him. I know you, you right there, didn’t like him, either. As I was drifting off to sleep a couple nights ago, I remembered a moment.

We were somewhere lovely sitting in lounge chairs. We were watching the airplanes come in over the bay in the distance. He would identify the airline by the colors on the plane, and if he couldn’t identify it, he was looking them up online. He would identify the type of plane, too, and tell me something about it. That was it, you know, the part you never saw…the eager curiosity, the delight in sharing something he knew with me. It was pure and sweet and one of the reasons we clicked: unabashed enthusiasm for the whole wide world that we lived in.

I hadn’t thought of the time spent watching airplanes in who knows how long. It doesn’t change how you feel or how anything played out, but there’s always more to what you see on the surface. When I love with a love that is more than a love (yeah, I just ripped off Poe there), it’s not worship of empty vessels or attaching myself to any ol’ man. I have my reasons to stay, and I have my reasons to go, and seldom are any of the reasons public and obvious. I’m not a Kardashian, spilling my guts in a reality show in a non-stop awkward overshare. I’m an introverted writer who likes for the feelings to be on the downlow, yo.