Dear I Love Sluts:
I’m not calling you names. I’m not defaming you. I am only calling you by the badge that you display so prominently on the front of your car, Ms. “I Love Sluts”…your car that was using the exit of a one way only private parking lot as an entrance. Cmon, think hard: driving the wrong way into a parking lot that is not public, blocking my exit as I proceeded in the correct law abiding direction from a lot where I actually have permission to park.
Hey, if you love sluts, good for you! I’m sure sluts, just like baby seals and those weird hairless cats, need love and bumper stickers. I am glad you are bravely leading the rallying cry to stand up for sluts everywhere you drive. You educate those that would think sluts unworthy when your sticker ever so proudly proclaims daily, monthly and yearly that you love sluts…so maybe the anti-slut regime will see that bold sticker, pause and reflect and think “hey, she’s right; sluts do need love!”
I think your support of sluts is admirable…but I think your head is all up in the slut love committee and not on the roadways! You were blocking my way. You were going the wrong way. You were in a private parking lot that I, wonder of wonders, am in charge of towing ne’er-do-wells out of five days a week.
Vrooming your car closer to mine and waving wildly doesn’t make you a better advocate for the sluts you love; no, it only weakens your cause. People who love sluts should also love parking meters or parking decks when they are perusing parking spots during business hours…people who love sluts should value driving their horseless carriages in the right direction at all times. Be the example, Ms. I Love Sluts! Lead your fellow slut-lovers to glory by obeying traffic laws and posted “no trespassing, towing enforced” signage!
With sincere admiration for you and the sluts you love,
I Love Pirates, Jack Skellington and S’mores