Chiquita and I have been friends a longass time now, to the point that sometimes our conversations make no sense at all…but this evening, our conversation took a deep, meaningful turn, like a public service announcement or an ABC Afterschool Special starring Scott Baio and Kristy McNichol. Here’s what Chiquita and I need you to know:
Ladies, be good to your poonanny. If you abuse your poonanny by behaving like a trollop, jezebel and/or common roadwhore, your poonanny will just fall out. One day, I’ll be driving down the road, and Chiquita will point out the smushed shape on the asphalt and say, Ooooo poor possum. I’ll have to shake my head and say No, Chiquita, I’m afraid that’s no possum. That’s Lolita’s poonanny. It fell out. I tried to warn her, but she wouldn’t listen, and her poonanny up and fell out her drawers. What a sad day that would be, ladies! So please, treat yourself and your poonanny with respect, and try to avoid behaviors that would land you on Maury or Jerry Springer as a repeat guest. We, and your poonanny, thank you.