I only met my biological grandmother a few months ago. I liked her right away; her sass and humor were a warm welcome to this long lost grandchild.
My grandmother went into the hospital and didn’t get to go back home. She was laid to rest in a lovely service yesterday on a beautiful sunny day filled with blue skies and fluffy clouds.
One of the good things about where I’m from is also one of the bad things: everyone knows who you are. Everyone knows your business. Everyone knows your kin.
Standing with my kiddo beside me waiting for the service begin, I heard one of the old folks behind me whispering. Old folks don’t whisper very well. “That’s his oldest child, she’s the doctor’s granddaughter.” Yes, that’s me. The oldest child, the oldest grandchild. My mother’s father was the local doctor, so everyone knew him, knew her and knew me, too. I turned around and looked at the old folks, trying to muster a grin, and they hushed their gossip.
I looked beside my kiddo at who had just approached and taken a spot near us on the grass, and it was one of my brothers. I’d only met my sisters so far, but I could have picked my brothers out of a crowd of thousands easily. This brother was another of the long lost and until recently unclaimed variety like me, but I knew him right away. I whispered in the kiddo’s ear that it was one of my brothers next to her, and she whispered back to ask how I knew. I just knew.
Saying goodbye to family you only just met is hard. The service was sweet with a beautiful poetry reading, and the familiar refrain of “ashes to ashes, dust to dust” was repeated often to remind us all that this is the normal circle of life, the normal way of things. I was sad because I still have so many questions, and my grandmother was most likely the only one left to give me answers, and yet here we were, gathered to celebrate her life and say goodbye so soon after saying hello.
After the service, I found my sisters and spoke with them briefly. They had throngs of well-wishers to greet and thank. I didn’t have any throngs since I only just came out of hiding a few months ago, only just stepped out of the shadows where bastard offspring lurk. I found my two brothers and stood in front of them and said something like, “Hello, sorry to meet you on such a sad day; I’m your oldest sister.” They looked surprised but happy. The kiddo says I look like my brothers, and I don’t disagree.
I had to hurry away after that, because it was just too overwhelming. Too many important goodbyes and hellos sandwiched into too short of a time span. I was feeling shaky with so many emotions rushing around at once. They are my family. I don’t know if there is a place for me among them after all this time, but they are my family.