Remind me not get married again, ok? I’m absolutely cool with shacking up long-term with my loverboy a la Kurt and Goldie, but no more legal nonsense. Just love for love’s sake sounds good to me.
I have my final divorce judgment document right in front of me…have been waiting for it to appear, have known it was said and done for a while now, was just waiting for my copy to stick in a file. I don’t really feel sad about it, because I’ve done the sad thing quite enough, thoroughly, off and on for much of 2007.
I feel………………………….a little lost maybe, as it’s hard when we don’t know what life is going to dole out for us next, and matters of the heart are anything but predictable—if they were, I would’ve married Eric Medford in the first grade and have been done with it all, since I had him pegged at age 6 to be my groom, knew what color our house would be, how many kids and pets we’d have…of course, we’d have been divorced by high school when he went through his Samantha Foxx “Naughty Girls Need Love Too” phase.
It feels a little unsteady and weird now is all. I’m hopeful that good things are in the works, but that’s sort of out of my hands. I can envision good stuff and be a good person, but of course I can’t magically make anything happen (or I’d have been bunking nightly with Glenn Danzig since 1993 if that were the case).
In the unsteady weirdness of all, I know what I want, so if I get to pick and choose, it’s pretty simple: the Kurt to my Goldie will actually like me for me (not who I used to be or who he wishes I’d become someday but just me), will have a job with a paycheck, will obey basic hygiene disciplines at least 4 out of 7 days a week, will know that laughter is key to coping, will understand how to use the washing machine and make use of said device as needed, and last but not least, will like music as much as I do so there’s no bitching about what I’m listening to at any given moment…and if he has kids, that would just be a super sweet bonus. Really that’s about it, so I hope the Universe is paying attention, but I’m in no rush. I’m just layin’ it all out there…a little lost, but hangin’ in there, thanks.