I was cleaning and cooking for a party on Saturday morning. I’d been cleaning and cooking for hours in expectation of the arrival of friends and family that would undo all my cleaning efforts in a matter of a few minutes.
While steam mopping the dining room floor, I started thinking of my paternal grandmother and her funeral service a few weeks ago. No one mentioned whether or not she had cereal bowls in her sink when they visited her over the years. Not one person at the service praised her sparkling toilet bowl or marveled over how there were never dust bunnies behind her sofa. They talked about how kind she was and how funny she was. People told stories about how she made them laugh and adventures they had. Friends and relatives spoke of my grandmother’s generosity and warmth, and they passed around photos of birthdays and Christmases. No one ever discussed whether she put out snacks for guests that were store bought or homemade, and no one mentioned how often she Windexed her windows.
Where am I going with this? Priorities. How do we lose our way so easily? We exhaust ourselves cooking and cleaning for six hours for a two hour party, working so darn hard that we’re relieved when everyone leaves and we can finally just collapse in the recliner.
What if we straightened up the house for just a few minutes and put out whatever snacks we have, even the dreaded store bought ones, and just enjoyed our guests? What if we put the energy into being present for our friends and family, rather than scrubbing the floors and polishing the tables? What if we were so full of exuberance over their presence that we hated for them to leave, rather than feeling glad that they finally left?
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t tidy up a little to welcome folks into our homes. When I visit friends and family, if you have water rings on your coffee table, I don’t care. I didn’t show up to grade you on your cleaning and peer into your floor vents for lint. I came to laugh and share some time with you. I hope when you come to see me that I’m not so exhausted from moving all the furniture around to vacuum that I can actually relax and enjoy the visit…and I hope you’re not coming over to look underneath my couch and recliners!
We waste so much time on the silly stuff. My guests would’ve like the Walmart bakery brownies just as well as the ones I baked that morning. They came for a party and parties should be fun. They came to make memories with me, not grade me on my culinary arts. When my funeral rolls around someday, no one will say “oh I loved Kat but I wish she would’ve baked us snacks from scratch for her pumpkin party in 2013.”
Priorities. We worry about how the house looks and how we look. We expend so much energy into all these little time-sucks that don’t matter at all.
On Sunday, I had a guest coming over in the afternoon. I showered, but I didn’t get all dressed up, unless you call changing into fresh pajamas getting all dressed up. I tidied up a speck after the previous day’s party, but I didn’t dust, vacuum, polish and whatever else I “should’ve” done…and you know what? We had a marvelous afternoon, one of the best in recent memory. I had energy to be fully present and we whiled away hours talking about everything and nothing…and it was fantastic.
Priorities. Focus. Remember the point of the effort you’re making. If you’ll be too tired to enjoy the party, there’s no point in throwing the party at all!