song of the day

You wanted the best, you got the best, the hottest band in the world: KISS!!!!!!!! I Love It Loud, one of their best songs in my opinion, right up there with God of Thunder, Shout it Out Loud, Love Gun, Detroit Rock City.  When I was 5, I had a KISS poster over my bed when my peers were playing with Barbies.  Their concerts with the makeup and the blood and the pyrotechnics back when no one did that kind of thing set a high bar for what I would come to perceive as a good show later on in life—-I don’t want to see any bored frat boys in tshirts and baseball caps onstage noodling around for 18 minutes on the same song…I want intensity, sweat, leather, fire!!

Much as I love this band, when KISS removed their makeup in the 80s, yikes, I wanted them to put it back on quickly!  If you have some time to kill, head on out to YouTube and look for some 1980something KISS videos…I will say I know all the words to these songs and enjoy them in my car, but to watch the videos, ewwwwwwwwww, not so much.

Let’s Put the X in Sex: catch Paul Stanley making the most heinous porn face when he’s behind the chick, they show that a couple times in the video.  Dude, I don’t care if you are a rock star; if I looked over my shoulder and you were making that porn face, it’s over, done.  It makes me cringe!  And Paul Stanley reminds me a lot of Cher in the If I Could Turn Back Time video in this one.

Heaven’s On Fire: go see Gene Simmon’s hair.  He obviously shared the same hairstylist as the rockin’ ladies in Heart.

Lick It Up: the premise of this video is that in a post-apocalyptic world, only the members of Kiss and scantily clad big haired vixeny women will survive.  It’s sort of like Love is A Battlefield or something but instead of hookers, it’s a rock band, I dunno.  What the hell is that crotch string thing on Paul Stanley’s right thigh and errr crotch?  Why is he wearing a woman’s crop top and is it from Pat Benatar or one of her video hookers?

Tears Are Falling:  Paul Stanley’s stylist beat up Cyndi Lauper, stole her clothes and put them on Paul.

you’re a gossip mongering bunch of tattletales

you know who you are. 

if he’s your friend, you’ll mind your own damn business and stop trying to stir the pot.  that’s cruel.  it’s mean.  if you had any idea how much it upsets him, you wouldn’t even bring it up, you wouldn’t go out of your way to discuss it.   or maybe you do know how much it upsets him, in which case, deliberately upsetting him is hateful.

there’s no kindness or gift in being a gossip; you’re not doing him any favors.  seeking out things to tattle is heartless; stop kicking a man when he’s down.  you’re upsetting him and that is just truly uncalled for if you are his friend.  mind your own fucking business, really.

busy freakin’ day…so let’s do a survey

I need a break…so I’ll pause and fill out this survey from Ricardo Allejandro of the High Mountains.

 

The last person you kissed needs you at 3AM, would you go?
Hell to the yes.

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
pretty much all day every day, some days it’s just easier to stifle the urge

Who did you hangout with last night?
Charter Tech Support by phone…we’re pals.

Do you miss your past?
Nah,  past makes us who we are in the present, thanks for the memories…

What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?
water

Did you ever lose a best friend?
Yes.  RIP Chris, thought of you today when I heard Agent Orange.

What are you listening to?
An uplifting little ditty by Trivium, “When All Light Dies”

Are you going to kiss the last person you kissed again?
I take nothing for granted in this life, but if I have my way, sure thing!

What is your current mood
scattered and bouncy, the usual

Something you do a lot?
type

What did you do for Valentine’s day?
wallowed in self pity maybe????

Last person you hugged?
minime

Would your parents be mad if you were in a relationship?
They would love it and hate it all at once in that psychotic way of theirs.

Are you frustrated?
Not at the moment.

Are you tanned?
HAVE YOU SEEN ME EVER?!?!?  I am the anti-tan.

Did you hug anyone today?
minime

Are you in a good mood?
yes indeedy

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
in front of? no one that i can recall in recent memory.  not a big boohooer, though i have had a few tears of joy moments that I can think of, but still, those were alone, private.

Are you there for your friends?
Am I where for my friends?

Do you get along with girls?
Sure, as long as they aren’t stupid bitches.

Are you the same person as you were at the beginning of the year?
At heart, yes, but a smidgen wiser I hope with each passing day.

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
Well, I suppose that remains to be seen, hmmm?

What were you doing at 8:00am?
sitting in the longest meeting everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Who/What made you angry today?
nothing so far, since i’ve talked to no former mr. kats today at all

Have you ever bungee jumped?
no, no plans to either, not a big heights fan—not phobic really, just not signing up to test gravity.

Where was the last two places you went besides your house?
work, dr’s office

What’s one thing you’ve learned this year?
Patience pays off bit by bit.  Some days I have more patience than others!
What’s something that really bugs you?
those who fail to understand or accept discussions rooted in fact, logic and common sense.

Taco Bell or Burger King?
Taco Bell.  I want a Mexican Pizza, no tomato.  Fire Sauce, don’t forget the Fire Sauce!

Last time you went bowling?
earlier this year at some point

Who was your last phone call?
work

Are you a bitch?
depends who you ask, I suppose…some would swear I’m a stone cold bitch or very possibly the antichrist, while others would tell you I’m a sweetheart.

I hate…

…that you can so readily relate to my tales of disagreement because it means you’ve walked a mile in my shoes, and you in fact continue to walk more than that mile,  but I am thankful you understand where I’m coming from when I’m completely exasperated with myself over the whole stupid mess.  Thanks for being you.

 

Shame on me!

Not 24 hours later, I ended up arguing with Mr. Kat 2.0 again and I blame myself 100%.  First, I shouldn’t have answered the phone at all when I saw the number on caller ID; I was at work, I was tired and frankly, I was still irritated at him from yesterday, so I shouldn’t have taken the call.  Second, I can’t believe I fell right into yet another dispute when I know better than to even engage in it in the first place.

Here’s a sample of the irrational conversation from today:

Me: It’s your dog.

Him: He was our dog.

Me: No, you had him before we were even dating, before you even knew me,  thus he’s your dog.  Take responsibility for him.  (I’m calm at this point, completely factual.  Logic is my friend!)

Him: Well, you kept the storage building.

Me: What? What the f-ing hell are you even talking about? (I’m a little irritated at the new topic, but I’m not mad.  I cuss all day long, this use of ‘f-ing hell’ was merely emphasizing that I have no idea what he’s talking about)

Him: You kept the storage building, and that should be mine.

Me:  What does that have to do with the dog? (I’m trying to find the logic here, even though I know there really is none to be found!)

Him:  I think I paid more for the storage building than you did.

Me: (this is the part where I should’ve stopped the conversation because see how he changed the subject from the dog to something else completely random out of thin air? where did this topic even come from? random topics in mid-discussion to distract me are so annoying, but I know this trick of his and should’ve just hung up)  No, you didn’t, I have the check to prove what I paid but I don’t care about the money.  If you want it, please take it, move the damn building already! (see, at this point, I’m officially pissed, because his whining about the storage building has gone on for 18 months, and every time, I’ve said come get it if you will shut up because I’d much much much rather have peace than any storage building…but there’s no sport in taking the building, is there? It’s only fun for him if he gets to randomly argue with me about it)

Him: Why are you always so mad at me?

Me: ARG! (the conversation that followed was infused with a ridiculous number of angry obscenities flying from my mouth before I hung up in disgust, so we’ll just sum it up with ARG!)

So.  Shame on me for getting mired in the most idiotic of disputes, shame on me for falling for the random change of topic to turn nothing at all into an argument, shame on me.  I will do better next time; I will let voicemail pick up…and if I must talk to him, then I will try to keep the conversation focused and calm, not letting him digress into other conversational hot buttons just to stir up a fight out of thin air.  Above all, I will be grateful that he’s the only person that I argue so nastily with on the whole planet and I will be grateful that we don’t live together anymore, ever again, hallelujah for that.

Arg.

I have this ongoing conflict with Mr. Kat 2.0 about his dog (his dog before we were ever married, not a pet we got together), and I guess I just have to suck it up and accept that this is my dog now.

One of the 9012 reasons Mr. Kat 2.0 and I are not together would be that he is not responsible for anything…even if it actually is his responsibility, he will play the victim and lay on the “oh, I guess it’s just one more reason for you to hate me, one more thing I can’t do right.”  Arg.  Whoever you are in my life whether you are friends, family, coworkers, soccer teammates, whatever: take responsibility for yourself, your choices and your actions and you earn my respect, even if I don’t agree with your choices—at least own them and own the fallout that comes with them.  Playing victim makes me wanna puke on you.

When Mr. Kat 2.0 and I parted ways, he moved in with a buddy of his and he couldn’t take his dog right away.  I was understanding of that situation, knowing he needed time to get some funds together and come up with a plan of action, so I kept the dog for him.  He did not pay for dog food or anything else for his pet during this time.  When Mr. Kat 2.0 finally moved into a place of his own after more than a year of being shacked up with his pal, I approached him about taking the dog.  He blew it off with oh not right now, haven’t even got my stuff unpacked, etc.  Ok, still I was understanding, gave him more time.  Asked him again, and again… Stopped asking, started telling him to come get his dog.  When it comes right down to me being ready to drop the dog off on his porch and drive away, I find out he’s living somewhere where he’s not even allowed to have a pet.  He chose to move somewhere that has a no pets policy.  Lovely, lovely fellow, that Mr. Kat 2.0, so responsible!

Called Mr. Kat 2.0 this evening and asked what he was going to do about his living arrangements and his dog.  He starts in on the “oh, well I’m not there anymore to take care of him, wish I was there to help” passive aggressive victim shit that makes me want to scream.  I point out that he deliberately selected a place to live where he couldn’t have his dog, so he should either move or find a family member to take his dog.  His reply is the usual “I guess I can never do anything right, you just find more reasons to hate me, I can never fix this” yadda yadda.  My reply (at a volume so loud that a phone probably wasn’t even necessary at this point) was something to the effect of if he wanted to do something right, he could take responsibility for something as small as his dog, take the full responsibility and burden of that one situation and if he did something like that, then maybe for one second I could stifle the urge to kick his testicles into his tonsils.  This was met with more helpless victim yammering, so I hung up on him.

Arg. Arg. Arg.  I am mad at myself, because I knew before I even picked up the phone that he wasn’t going to be an adult…if he were an adult, he would’ve already driven over here and picked up his dog months ago or at the very least, offered to pay for the dog’s food.  So mostly right this second, I’m frustrated with myself for thinking that someone who always behaves the same (the helpless victim when not busy being the badgering complaining fight picking bully) is going to behave any differently today.  What the hell was I thinking?

I guess I was thinking that I’m tired.  I’m tired.  I’ve wrangled kids, worked all afternoon and the frustration of that senile little old dog trying to bite me for the 745th time today when I’m just trying to put him on a leash for a walk to keep him from pissing in my house again pushed me right over the edge.  And being so damn tired to the bone, I just wanted some help with a problem that shouldn’t even be mine to manage in the first place, so I foolishly called Mr. Kat 2.0 looking for that help and here I am now, even more tired to the core than I was before I called him.  He’s not going to help.  Ever.  Doesn’t matter that the dog was his before we were married.  He left the dog, he won’t take the dog.  I have to accept that the dog is mine now because I won’t send it to the shelter, won’t give it away to some random stranger in the newspaper—–Mr. Kat 2.0 in this instance is certainly taking advantage of my kind heartedness toward animals, and that, too, makes me angry, that he knows I just can’t make the dog disappear, I can’t do that, he’s managing to still use and manipulate me and that pisses me off.  Arg.  Mr. Kat 2.0 is not going to step up and be a man, be a grown up, take responsibility because that’s not who he is.  I can’t expect people to be who they aren’t.

SMACK IT!

So I had a little more work done recently on one of my tattoos, and I’ll try to blog more about that soon.  Post-ink, there’s about 2 weeks of healing where you can’t swim or soak in water (omg, no bubble baths, no wonder I’ve been cranky) and somewhere in that span of time as the area heals, it will get itchy.   Crazy itchy.  A million ants crawling all over me itchy.  Today, I itch horribly.

You can’t scratch your new tat, don’t want to accidentally make it bleed or anything like that that would pull out the color.  Can’t put any kind of anti-itch ointment on there that might react in a crazy way with the ink. 

When it itches, you can smack it.  Slap it.  Smack smack smack it.

I’ve been smacking myself so much today I look like I’m having a seizure, some sort of psychotic episode…but gawd, it feels so good!