I’ve always wanted to be a missed connection. You know, on craigslist, the Missed Connections section. I read the missed connections page several times a week for the fun of it.
The posts are often hopeful: “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen as you carried your bagel to your car this morning. Your gorgeous smile is still on my mind. Please love me.” Some of the posts are just plain shy, the Internet their only means of reaching out: “I saw you looking at me at Malaprop’s but I was embarrassed and looked away. I’m no good at this kind of stuff. I wish I had said something witty or cool or anything at all.”
What would someone write about me? “I was behind you in line at the post office. I liked the way your hair looked like you’d just rolled out of bed even though it was 4 PM. And the way your clothes looked a lot like pajamas.” Maybe someone would spot me in traffic, window down, belting out tunes: “I never knew someone could be that far off key. Email me and promise not to sing around me. Ever.” Where else do I go, what do I do to end up in the Missed Connections column? “When you pushed all the other muffins aside in the bin at Earth Fare to get the biggest one for yourself, I knew you were the woman for me. Let me buy you a dozen pumpkin chocolate chip muffins on our first date.”
I’ve thought about posting there myself if I were bold enough. I’ve imagined a few posts I would write: “I was behind you at the Orange Peel. You smelled like soap and freshly mowed grass and when I got shoved into your back, I really wanted to just hang on.” Or “I liked how there was nothing in your grocery cart but beer and dark chocolate. Marry me.” Possibly, “I liked your inferno red Dodge Charger R/T. I want to drive it really, really fast. I hope you’ll let me do that while you sit quietly elsewhere and read a book.”
More realistically, it would read something like, “Our connection is not a missed one, but a pretty freakin’ real one that I never saw coming, so wtf?? WTF??!!Now what? Carpe diem, man.”
But I wouldn’t, I couldn’t! It would feel like the whole world would be able to somehow see me through the screen, too mortifying. I’ll keep on reading, but I won’t be posting.