Maybe you suck less now

I was thinking about people I’ve cut off, friends and lovers and those in between.

My means of survival is to walk away, shut the door, and keep going forward.

But a pandemic year running smack into a weird year for my personal health and well-being had me wondering about some people out there. Ruminating. Pondering.

Do you gossip less?

Do you cheat less?

Do you tell fewer lies?

Do you value things that can’t be bought?

Do you order the banana split because carpe diem and wear the crazy sweater because you love it and who cares about what anyone else thinks of it?

I’m not ringing those phones, sending those texts, or firing off those emails of inquiry. Just thinking.

I miss the good stuff. I don’t miss the shit show of pain that rained down on me for having some of you in my life for a while. But, yeah, the good was so ridiculously good, wasn’t it?

I had a dream I was calling these people to ask if they loved like I do. In my dream, I was using a flip phone for a while, then a Blackberry. I wanted to know. I want to know. Do you love like I do yet?