I think fear is so often our motivator whether we choose to give it that name or tag it as something else entirely. We are afraid to try because we could fail. We are afraid to love in case we are rejected. We are afraid to be really truly happy in case it doesn’t last. In living behind our fears, we make ourselves believe we are safe from further harm.
I am sorting through some of my own fears. Some of them are easy enough to replace with a “fuck it, let’s move forward.” Others are harder to sort through…like being afraid to love and trust. I have been screwed over by family, friends and lovers so many times I couldn’t even begin to provide an accurate count…and the unfairness of being betrayed by people you love paired with the frequency of the hurts makes it hard to stand up and try with renewed energy. How many times have I stood up again, dusted myself off and said “ok, I’ll dare to love and trust one more time…” only to be knocked on my ass? It’s hard to convince myself to do it yet another go ’round. I know I will…but it’s still a fear, a big ugly one, that lurks around the corners of all my interactions.