duh

So there’s this book out by an Asheville native and she’s making all the rounds of the book touring circuit and good for her for getting published and making money and yadda yadda, but I have to say the general premise of her book 365 Nights is a big honkin’ DUH, people, DUH!!  To me it’s so DUH! that I can’t believe people would buy it, but more power to them and the author if it helps them get a clue.

Ok, so here’s the premise: the author decides for her husband’s birthday that her gift to him will be sex every day for a year.  Her book documents this one year journey–not necessarily all the naughty bits, folks, but the emotional aspects of this effort to spend time together privately every day.  Good for her and him for doing this, but come ON!

This is where your Katster gets up on the soapbox…(wait for a sec while someone scoots the soapbox over my way…)

Ahem.  If you are in a commited relationship, you should be putting aside a window of time (almost) every dayto nurture your relationship.   Episodes of the stomach flu, death in the family and other such disasters might thwart the “every day” aspect, but as a general rule, you need to make that connection often.  And it doesn’t have to be sex, folks, but it needs to be a no bitching, no whining time of being the couple you are.  Why do you think it’s so awesome when you’re dating?  It’s great because you spend little windows of time together just enjoying the beejesus out of yourselves…getting freaky and most importantly of all, laughing.  And then eventually things get, well, ordinary.  You stop laughing, you stop making time…or you let complaints about who loaded the dishwasher last get in the way of what should be “your time.”

Your Kat does not believe that things everhave to get ordinary.  EVER.  I believe in the every-single-day-connection, even if it’s only 10 minutes of undivided attention at the very end of a long day when the younguns are finally asleep, as it is critical.  I can say the recent demise of my marriage was largely in part to Mr. Kat 2.0’s unwillingness to focus even 1 uninterrupted minute a day on us; every little thing falls apart if that connection’s not there, folks, and one partner can’t pull the weight alone, one partner can not do all the work, it’s painful and unrewarding to do it all.

A few years ago, maybe it was on Oprah, there was a relationship therapist that insisted that you take the time to kiss, reallllllllllllllllllllly kiss, at least once a day every single day of the week.  That counts, too.  This doesn’t have to be nasty bondage and feathers to work, friends, although that’s fine!  It doesn’t have to be deep heartfelt speeches every day either.  It’s simply happily acknowledging who you are together in the whirling swirling mayhem of parenthood, work and the rest of the real life stuff that closes in on us each day.

So buy the book if you want to ponder it further, or you can just take Kat’s word that you need to connect daily, really. 

The next Mr. Kat will be the right man for me if he knows that no matter what, we have to put the disagreements over who used the last of the peanut butter aside, put the grouchiness over wet bath towels on the bedroom floor aside, put the stress of hectic workdays aside, put it all aside for just a few minutes every day to just freakin’ appreciate each other just a little bit.  I believe in it.  I believe in giving the appreciation, I believe in receiving the appreciation, and if it gets all shagadelic, baby, that’s great, too.  Every day.  I’m serious.  Kat has spoken.  So be it.

0 thoughts on “duh”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *