As expected, I ruined someone’s day today in the course of doing my own job. That sucks. As annoyed as I get by people, it’s not my intent to hurt anyone, not even those who’ve wronged me. I don’t like to make people sad or hurt their feelings.
In this case, it wasn’t anyone who wronged me, just me reporting the facts using the tools I had. I knew it would not be easy, but I hoped there might be some understanding that I, too, was trying to do my best, that I also had a job to do, a role to play. It wasn’t personal, doesn’t make me like this person less, but it surely hurt my heart to make them feel sad.
I never planned to be in an office job, never wanted to be anyone’s boss. I wanted to write and have my words read. I didn’t want to grade others or be boxed in with rules and tools I didn’t invent. I just wanted to write.
Life happened and I had to work to pay the bills, and here I am, a boss, playing by someone else’s rules in a game I really don’t like. I write here in hopes that someday, I will write to earn my keep, instead of writing about earning my keep in ways that are soul crushing. Today, I crushed someone else, and that crushed me, and all in all, it made for one crappy day.
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