You know you’re a parent when you’ve had a really sucky day at work…so you go to the kitchen to mix up a stiff drink or 3…you open the fridge in search of something to mix with Absolut and all you can come up with is Capri Sun, Kool Aid and strawberry milk. The milk is automatically out of the question since I can’t drink milk. I really wanted the Capri Sun but decided getting it out of its little pouch thing was just too much work given the day I’d had. I chose the Kool Aid…and I must say it really wasn’t half bad!
I look forward to the day when Minime’s tweenage daughter communicates primarily by rolling her eyes. The eye roll of “ohmygod Mom, you’re so stupid.” The eye roll of “yes I heard you but I’m not really listening.” The eye roll of “I can’t wait until I’m 18 and can live in a super cool apartment with other beautiful people such as myself and we’ll be rich and fabulous and everyone will be so super jealous.”
Yes, I look forward to that wonderful day. Until then, I can only watch Minime’s eyerolling antics and know that she’ll get double the trouble she gives me. Ah, tweenagers…good times.
Last night, Minime and I met up with Vernie Sue and her nieces and nephews for a free outdoor showing of “Golden Blade III: Return of the Monkey’s Uncle.” First, a free movie is a wonderful thing. Second, a free OUTDOOR movie on a summer evening is into a realm beyond wonderful. Third, it was kung fu: I need say no more other than it was kung fu!
A grand time was had by all in our group. We spread a blanket under the stars and sprawled out for a couple hours. Nice, really nice. With no drive-in movie nearby, this is as close as we can get to that sort of experience. I loved the movie (who doesn’t love subtitled kung fu films with tongue in cheek wit?) and loved the opportunity to just relax and laugh with friends and kids. It was everything good about summer all rolled up into one evening.
City of Asheville’s fireworks over downtown were pretty good, though I really could’ve passed on the cover of “Shakedown Street” that went on for seemingly days before the fireworks display…ok, maybe it wasn’t days and it’s just that Grateful Dead covers in general make my skin crawl, but whatever.
The kids (I came with two and left with three!) were suitably thrilled with the fireworks. In a time when the kids have all been there done that, it’s nice that sitting down on a summer night to watch fireworks can still impress.
Happy Mother’s Day to all moms and all those great people who mother us when our moms aren’t around to do it.
Minime made me breakfast in bed: cheesy nachos with salsa, sour cream AND queso dip. Nothing says Sunday breakfast like nachos!
Wow, in an inadvertent compliment, Minime told Uncle 420 he was a cutiepatootie at the grocery store yesterday. She was busy comparing him to her friend’s dad, the dad I consider to be the Mayor of Hottieville when I pointed out she’d just called Uncle 420 a hunk. Minime tried to backpedal, but it was too late. Minime has matured and can spot a hottie in a haystack.
Let’s consider her friend’s dad for a moment. Her friend with the rhyming name, we’ll call her Winiwe. Winiwe’s dad, let’s call him…Mayor McHottie. Mayor McHottie is single, so it’s perfectly legal for me to think he’s cute. When Minime and Winiwe have an adventure and it’s his weekend with Winiwe, I feel a compulsion to put on lip-gloss and perfume…and a sequined evening gown and high heels…so I can casually greet him at my front door to chat about the kids. And when he calls, “Uhh, hi, this is Mayor McHottie. Winiwe wants to take Minime to the basketball game tonight,” it takes tremendous strength not to giggle and invite myself along.
Despite his single-osity and absolute cuteness, Mayor McHottie is off limits. He’s Minime’s friend’s dad. If I dated him and discarded him in the rubble pile of ex-boyfriends, it would make things awkward for Wini and Mini, and they’ve been buddies since they were 5. So I just can’t go there, sigh, but it’s quite nice to have some eye candy in the basketball game/afterschool care/slumber party social circle.
And as for Uncle 420’s slow simmer hottie factor, well, it was only a matter of time before Minime recognized it…so bask and wallow in the glory of the compliment, 420, bask and wallow! (and we’re glad Mrs. 420 is up and about in her radiant glory as well!)
I’ve been putting it off for ages, trying to ignore the nudges and reminder calls from Minime’s dentist to see an orthodontist. We finally had to face reality, she really needs braces on her wonky teeth and GOOD GOD! Braces are so damn expensive.
“We’ll give you a 5 percent discount if you pay in full up front,” offered the cheery Money Taking Lady at the orthodontist’s office.
Who pays in full? Who, other than high rollers like Uncle 420 and Big Pimpin’ JDog, has that kind of cash lying around these days? So I asked, and Money Taking Lady said, “Often the grandparents will pool their resources and pay for the braces. It’s an investment that lasts a lifetime!”
Umm. Hmm. Minime has only one set of grandparents in her life, and I checked in with them… If you listen carefully, you can still hear them laughing.
I decided that I would just have to bill each and every one of you a penny for every word you’ve ever read in the Kat Box. Watch your inboxes and please remit payment promptly to avoid a late charge. There’s a five percent discount for payment in full!
Minime and I were watching “Must Love Dogs” this afternoon, and I, of course, had to swoon over John Cusack. All women of a certain age, from the era of “Say Anything” in particular, are required by law to swoon over John Cusack. Minime looked at me and said, “Ewwww, Mom. He’s olllld.”
Could this child really be mine? Could any offspring of mine reject the moody fabulousness that is John Cusack? ACK!!
(OK, yes, she really is mine because just moments later she told me that Zac Efron of “High School Musical” was too girly to be hot. Good girl.)
As always, my house is slumber party central. It’s not a matter of “if” we’ll have kids running around each weekend; it’s more a matter of “how many.”
This weekend’s guest told me her friend was really sick. Her friend has “ammonia.” God, if that’s contagious I hope it comes with a roll of paper towels and does windows.
The same child also told me that she had a terrible rash after she got a vaccine for “chicken pops.” If chickens start bursting out of her forearms, I’m fleeing immediately, do not pass go, do not collect $200.
For those of you on womb watch with me, Chiquita and her Ninja are having a boy! We saw boy parts on the ultrasound screen this morning, and Aunt KittyKat is beside herself with glee! (and we’ll pause for just a moment to say: I told you so, I told you it was a boy!) I’m super excited for them as they start a nifty new chapter in their lives. I’ll teach him to play soccer and give him mosh pit etiquette tips!
In unrelated news, either Angelina Jolie is pregnant again or she’s smuggling orphans under that gigantic sack dress she was wearing at the Screen Actors Guild awards…