Archive | deep stuff

In Praise of the Wingman

Chiquita, as many of you know, has been my wingman for more than a decade now.   Traditionally, the wingman flies the support plane when you’re in dangerous territory.  There is also your dating wingman who helps you in the search and destroy scene that is modern romance; your dating wingman will talk you up, make you the center of attention.  Last but not least, your social wingman is there to support your wildest schemes, keep the mingling going at your parties and, to blatantly steal a line, help you be all that you can be.  Chiquita and I have never flown in a war zone, but she has certainly been my wingman in every other situation you can think of over the years, and a darn fine one at that.

 At my social functions, Chiquita runs an awesome backup to my somewhat rude social graces.  She’ll keep an eye on the music, keep a lookout on the food and keep the conversation going, having memorized a tidbit or two about all my guests.  At a bar, if I’ve thrown myself into some dancing, flailing frenzy, Chiquita is at the ready with water so I don’t dehydrate and die.  In day to day life, she nudges and nags so that I’m not letting opportunities pass me by.  She is the Gayle to my Oprah, the Cal Naughton to my Ricky Bobby.

Right now, there’s something on my mind that I need to do.  Chiquita is aware of the situation and has called and emailed me a variety of options to help me with the outcome.  Hell, if I’d let her, she’d do this one thing for me just to get it over with so we could move on to actually coordinating the end result.  In the meantime, Chiquita’s got my back.  She’s talking me up.  She has me convinced I can conquer the world, and with a good wingman, I believe I can.

 So raise a glass, friends…I shall raise my iced green tea with honey and a dash o’ mint…and we will toast our wingmen.  Cheers!


I hate waiting for other people

You ever feel like you’re in a huge holding pattern, just waiting for someone to do something, say something, so you can move on to the next thing?  You’re waiting for that affirmative or that negative response, one way or the other, so you can move forward.

And sometimes, it seems like you’re waiting, waiting forever, so you nudge the other person a little, “hey, uhhh, whatcha think?” and usually they’re all annoyed that you’re rushing them…

 Egads, when I rule the world, people will just blurt things out, wild with enthusiasm so there’s no waiting, waiting, waiting…


Kat, On the Road

Chiquita, MiniMe and I returned from our beach weekend this afternoon, happy, well-rested.

I like to travel.  I like to go anywhere.  It doesn’t matter if I can get there by plane or if I can just get in my car, I like to see new places, do things out of the routine.

Chiquita and I entertained ourselves by singing in the car.  I think my version of Emotional Rescue was beautiful!

We also found entertainment in the various sights out the car window along the way: trucks, restaurants, the adult entertainment shop with ‘private modeling’ advertised on the side.  Some lucky soul will actually be getting my random road trip notes in the mail, I do believe, because it’s fun to share them, like I’m channeling some chapter of Kerouac’s On the Road.

But, friends, no matter where you travel, there you are.  You and all your mess travels along with you.  If your head is full of stress, you might stow it in the trunk for a little while, but it creeps back in.  That little something on your mind, nagging at the back of the brain, went dormant only long enough for you to unpack your bag.  At least you get to think about it in a new place, a new space.



I have to say of all the things a friend can do to lose me forever and ever, telling me a lie, a big huge one, is the one thing you can do that will cause me to disappear.  Done.  Over.  We’re not talking about a little white lie, like telling me my ass looks good in those capri pants when it looks like a Frigidaire; we’re talking the big, life changing, job on the line, marriage on the line kind of stuff.

I had a friend tell me a lie, a lie that actually put my own integrity on the line as I had vouched for her honor numerous times.  An equal number of times, I had asked her outright about the situation…and every time, she looked right at me and lied.

So I’m done with her… and I hear from sources that she’s blabbering on about how she knows now who her “true friends” are.  Yadda yadda yadda.  Girl, if you can’t be straight with your friends, who can you be straight to?  I’m not your mom or your dad or your boss or your pastor; I wouldn’t have been so harsh if you’d come right out the first time I asked.  Or the second time.  Or the third.

But now I know I’ve been led down the primrose path, and I’m done.  You screwed up another friendship of mine in the process while I was defending your honor, only to find out you really had none at all to defend.  You put my reputation on the line, too.  So prattle on, dearie, about who is true and who is not…just don’t look in the mirror in the process.


In memory of Chris Reuther, 1973-2007

It’s tragic and stupid that it takes the loss of my friend Chris for me to blog again.  Chris and I used to trade stories, poems, and he always had the courage to tell me when mine absolutely sucked.  He read my blogs and told me what he thought, told me when I was just half-assing my stories.  And he told me when I was good, too, when I was on my game; he never hesitated to dole out compliments.  I have a poem somewhere that he told me I should try to publish, and in his honor, I’m going to try.

Chris Reuther died in Hawaii, his life taken by a random stranger.  It’s hard, but I’m doing all I can to focus on the wonderful way Chris lived, not the terrible way he died.

Chris and I used to analyze song lyrics.  All the way back to 8th grade, we’d listen to music (tapes, then CDs later on) and talk forever about what was our favorite song, what was our favorite lyric.  We could talk about music for hours on end, until our parents made us hang up or the cordless phone ran out of juice.  I remember we talked a lot about R.E.M.’s “Green” album, and there are lyrics from that album that really resonate with me in this time of loss. 

You are here with me
You are here with me
You have been here and you are everything

Chris was just a really good guy, and I know that I am not alone in wishing for one more phone call, one more email, one more visit.  He had friends everywhere he’d ever been, and I know we all miss him. If I had the chance to talk to Chris one more time, I’d tell him I loved him just so he could hear it…I’m sure he knew that he was a friend so dear to my heart, but I don’t think I ever said it out loud in our 20+ years of friendship.  I can type it here and that’s as close as I can get: Chris, I love you, friend, for always having a smile, for always seeking out the adventure, for being a friend to me and to the world, for capturing the most magical moments with your camera and your words; I and all your other friends around the world will do our best to live up to your expectations of us, we’ll chase our dreams like you chased yours.

I was in Tennessee over the weekend, and I saw a magnet with words that sort of summed everything up for me:

If I could sit across the porch from God, I’d thank Him for lending me you.

Oh geez Chris, I miss your goofy emails already…but I think if you were here now, you’d take a photo to capture the moment, take an image of this, and you’d move on to the next adventure…and so I’m trying to capture the moment, the feeling, and move on to my next adventure with my friend in my heart.