I have this ongoing conflict with Mr. Kat 2.0 about his dog (his dog before we were ever married, not a pet we got together), and I guess I just have to suck it up and accept that this is my dog now.
One of the 9012 reasons Mr. Kat 2.0 and I are not together would be that he is not responsible for anything…even if it actually is his responsibility, he will play the victim and lay on the “oh, I guess it’s just one more reason for you to hate me, one more thing I can’t do right.” Arg. Whoever you are in my life whether you are friends, family, coworkers, soccer teammates, whatever: take responsibility for yourself, your choices and your actions and you earn my respect, even if I don’t agree with your choices—at least own them and own the fallout that comes with them. Playing victim makes me wanna puke on you.
When Mr. Kat 2.0 and I parted ways, he moved in with a buddy of his and he couldn’t take his dog right away. I was understanding of that situation, knowing he needed time to get some funds together and come up with a plan of action, so I kept the dog for him. He did not pay for dog food or anything else for his pet during this time. When Mr. Kat 2.0 finally moved into a place of his own after more than a year of being shacked up with his pal, I approached him about taking the dog. He blew it off with oh not right now, haven’t even got my stuff unpacked, etc. Ok, still I was understanding, gave him more time. Asked him again, and again… Stopped asking, started telling him to come get his dog. When it comes right down to me being ready to drop the dog off on his porch and drive away, I find out he’s living somewhere where he’s not even allowed to have a pet. He chose to move somewhere that has a no pets policy. Lovely, lovely fellow, that Mr. Kat 2.0, so responsible!
Called Mr. Kat 2.0 this evening and asked what he was going to do about his living arrangements and his dog. He starts in on the “oh, well I’m not there anymore to take care of him, wish I was there to help” passive aggressive victim shit that makes me want to scream. I point out that he deliberately selected a place to live where he couldn’t have his dog, so he should either move or find a family member to take his dog. His reply is the usual “I guess I can never do anything right, you just find more reasons to hate me, I can never fix this” yadda yadda. My reply (at a volume so loud that a phone probably wasn’t even necessary at this point) was something to the effect of if he wanted to do something right, he could take responsibility for something as small as his dog, take the full responsibility and burden of that one situation and if he did something like that, then maybe for one second I could stifle the urge to kick his testicles into his tonsils. This was met with more helpless victim yammering, so I hung up on him.
Arg. Arg. Arg. I am mad at myself, because I knew before I even picked up the phone that he wasn’t going to be an adult…if he were an adult, he would’ve already driven over here and picked up his dog months ago or at the very least, offered to pay for the dog’s food. So mostly right this second, I’m frustrated with myself for thinking that someone who always behaves the same (the helpless victim when not busy being the badgering complaining fight picking bully) is going to behave any differently today. What the hell was I thinking?
I guess I was thinking that I’m tired. I’m tired. I’ve wrangled kids, worked all afternoon and the frustration of that senile little old dog trying to bite me for the 745th time today when I’m just trying to put him on a leash for a walk to keep him from pissing in my house again pushed me right over the edge. And being so damn tired to the bone, I just wanted some help with a problem that shouldn’t even be mine to manage in the first place, so I foolishly called Mr. Kat 2.0 looking for that help and here I am now, even more tired to the core than I was before I called him. He’s not going to help. Ever. Doesn’t matter that the dog was his before we were married. He left the dog, he won’t take the dog. I have to accept that the dog is mine now because I won’t send it to the shelter, won’t give it away to some random stranger in the newspaper—–Mr. Kat 2.0 in this instance is certainly taking advantage of my kind heartedness toward animals, and that, too, makes me angry, that he knows I just can’t make the dog disappear, I can’t do that, he’s managing to still use and manipulate me and that pisses me off. Arg. Mr. Kat 2.0 is not going to step up and be a man, be a grown up, take responsibility because that’s not who he is. I can’t expect people to be who they aren’t.