A weird month

It’s been about a month since I’ve posted. It’s been a weird month.

Some things have surprised me, like the delightful ease of spending a Sunday in the kitchen in excellent company, listening to music and making recipes from the Seitanic Spellbook. Some things have pissed me off, like still being treated like someone’s dirty secret all these years later. I was disappointed, too, by someone completely obliterating my feelings and not even offering an apology of any kind. I was heartened by friends rallying around me when I’ve needed them.

I broke a finger. I buried my oldest dog. I made vegetarian chili. I cried in front of coworkers. I was both bold and incredibly vulnerable in private. I made plans for the future, and I trashed some other plans.    I forgave some bullshit. I was embarrassed by what some people remember me by after more than a decade. I decided not to be embarrassed by what people will think of me for forthcoming choices.

I made some jewelry. I stood by old friends and new. I believed in possibilities, and I took some chances. I let someone else drive more than once. I threw myself in a mosh pit.  I spoke some truthy truths, and I also held my tongue when it wasn’t useful to speak up.

I told some bummer stories. I laughed so hard I peed. I channeled some spirits, and I shut down some energy I didn’t want. I wished a friend happy birthday as I’ve done for the last 20 years without a peep of a response from him.

I gave a lot of fucks. Sometimes I gave no fucks at all. I felt a lot rage, and I meditated my way into peace. Sometimes I meditated myself right to sleep.

I remembered some things I’d forgotten. I absolutely gave up on some people, and I absolutely gave myself over to others.

So much in one month. It’s been a weird month, but it’s been a month well-lived. I have reveled in every day. I have read poetry in the bathtub and sent it to others.

Today’s a new moon, and it’s a day to plant the seeds for the month ahead. I plant the intentions of steadfast commitment, joyous love, satisfying work, and an abundance of laughter. I have gratitude for all that has transpired and all that will unfold.

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