On Saturday, I was up in the gym just workin’ on my fitness, and since I was the only brave soul in the cardio room at the time, I flipped the channel on the tv to a marathon of “Real Housewives of Orange County.” There’s nothing like a dose of this unreal reality show to help get you through the grueling “Alpine” workout on the elliptical machine.
If you’ve not seen it before, the show focuses on these ridiculously wealthy women who reside in a gated community in Orange County. Their lives are full of drama like which million dollar home should they live in, which million dollar home should they give to their kids and which million dollar home should they put on the market for a multi million dollar profit. They have Botox parties. Someone’s always marrying or divorcing to upgrade to a wealthier man. They wear diamonds to sit around the pool. They have personal trainers and luxury cars and fake boobs.
In the episode that I was watching, one of the women was preparing for her umpteenth wedding, which apparently was going to take place in the back yard of her palatial home. She’s gazing out over the work in progress, and I think she’s trying to look concerned as the voiceover conveys her worry that all the work won’t be done in time. She could be conveying a look of concern, or a look of great glee—who the hell can tell the difference? Her forehead and around her mouth are absolutely paralyzed from Botox treatments. As she tries to muster a tear, she looks sort of like my chihuahua when he needs to go pee as her eyes get sort of wide and dewy…and she makes some attempt to furrow her unfurrowable paralyzed eyebrow that really makes her look like my chihuahua and I start laughing so hard that I snort. As the camera goes for a closeup of her glistening (chihuahua-like) eyes and smooth forehead while I sip my water, I completely spaz out and snort the water out my nose. I am so cool!!!!!!! And Botox is so wrong.
Damn…(ripping the freshly made invitation to Kat). I’ll take that as a regret.