it hurts me as much, if not more, than you

tomorrow i’m not going to be well-liked, i’m not going to win any friends over tomorrow…and i know the word will spread like wildfire that i’m a bitch and no one can ever meet my standards and i’m cold-hearted…

…but that’s not the case.  i have anguished over this for months, for the better part of this year i’ve worried over it.  i’ve tried every reasonable alternative.  i have lost sleep, had headaches, been sick to my stomach…but no one gets to know much about that.  everyone goes for surface knowledge, appearances, rumors.

i tried.  i really, really did.

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