…for most of my day, and that was an accomplishment.
but the day ended with me crying into my dinner, unable to pretend i was ok for even a minute more.
it’s a lot of work to put on a brave face for the world. some would say “then dont put on a brave face,” and i would ask those people what choice i have. i pay the bills so i have to go out into the world to a job i hate and go through the motions. there’s no one to save me, no one to bail me out, no one to pay bills or buy groceries or chauffeur the kiddo to the dentist, it’s all me. there’s no casserole delivered for broken dreams, no one pitching in to mow the grass so I can just cry in bed.
the brave face is wearing me out.
this too shall pass, i know, given time, but it doesnt make it any easier. i loved, and for that i suffer; this is not how it was supposed to go.